


Victory & Death

by TaylorIUTXT



Category: NCT (Band), TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Beomgyu needs a hug, Bonding, Cycle between fluff and angst, Death, Dreamies TXT and Jin are a squad, Gen, Hope, If someone is tagged here then it's because they're at least a semi-main character, Love, M/M, Teamwork, The squad are friendship goals, Tragic moments, Victory & Death, Victory and Death, War, heartwarming moments
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:47:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 31,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24460789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaylorIUTXT/pseuds/TaylorIUTXT
Summary: Beomgyu is at war and hits his head on rocks caused by the blast of a bomb. Barely able to remember the names of his fellow soldiers, he takes comfort in the picture of a stranger he finds in his pocket. Right on the back, he finds it's signed. Even now, the name burns into his mind. Choi Soobin. As he and his best friend Kai, as well as the rest of their squad, attempt to survive on the battlefield, Beomgyu finds he wants more than anything to know his past. Choi Soobin might be the key.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu & Choi Soobin, Choi Beomgyu & Huening Kai, Choi Beomgyu/Choi Soobin, Choi Beomgyu/Huening Kai, Park Jisung & Zhong Chen Le, Park Jisung/Zhong Chen Le
Comments: 36
Kudos: 77





	1. Questions

“Gyu. Gyu. Choi Beomgyu! Hey man, are you alright?”

His head hurt. Scratch that. Everything hurt. Beomgyu blinked up as his vision began to stop swirling.

“Beomgyu I thought you were a goner there,” said the teen running up to him. Beomgyu could make out the worry etched into the lines on his face. “I really thought you were a fucking gonner” he choked out, hugging him. Beomgyu blinked, the wave of nausea coming and passing. What the hell was going on?

It was comforting and vaguely familiar, but Beomgyu shifted out of the embrace all the same. “I’m...ok” he grunted. He let out a grimace as the ache in his muscles screamed otherwise. Glancing at the kid, he tried to remember his name. To his panic, it didn’t come.

The boy looked at him with wide eyes and stepped back. “Sorry! Sorry, Beomgyu. Really I’m sorry. I forgot you’re probably hurt. I’m just...happy to see you’re alive. Do you want me to bring you to the medic? I’m sure Jisung could patch you up.”

Beomgyu looked in the direction he was pointing and, for the first time, took a good look at his surroundings. The brown ditch seemed to continue off into different paths beyond where Beomgyu could see. Soldiers were running around, and Beomgyu realized that the ringing in his ears wasn’t just from whatever his injury was. They were in a trench. They were in a muddy ditch with anxious men firing ammunition as fast as they could load it. His heart sank.

“Hey, hey, take it easy. I’m bringing you to Jisung, ok? He’ll get you better in no time, alright?” The teen started to grab his arm, but Beomgyu dug his heels in and shook his head. He quickly regretted it as his vision blurred again. But he didn’t like doctors. He didn’t know why, but he knew he just didn’t.

“Come on Beomgyu. Come on, you have to come,” the other boy pulled harder on his arm, dragging him past men waiting with their machine guns. Waiting for the enemy. Waiting for an absolution. Waiting for destiny.

It was two minutes of winding dirt tunnels that brought them to Jisung. The dirt walls opened wide in the makeshift medical camp, mattresses scattered around filled with broken men. Beomgyu hated being one of them.

“Jisung! Jisung! Beomgyu’s hurt,” the teen fretted. “He’s hurt and, and, he almost collapsed! You have to see him, Jisung. It’s bad.”

Beomgyu scowled. “I’m fine. Really.”

Jisung looked down at him with exasperated eyes. “Yeah yeah, I’ve heard it all before. Sit down, Choi.” The medic grasped onto his shoulder and, with a firm grip, plopped him atop an empty mattress. “Now, what happened?”

“There was a bomb or something. Or maybe a grenade, I don’t know. All I know is one second everything was fine, and the next, there was an explosion, and Beomgyu fell back and hit his head.” The boy gripped his hand, worry on his face. “I was really scared.”

“Well, you’ve got blood on your arm there,” Jisung said. “I’ll patch you up, just sit still.” Beomgyu winced at the pain from the disinfectant, but Jisung was already moving to wrap his arm up in a bandage. “There. Now take about an hour to rest, and then I’ll send you back out into the field. Fighting for glory of country and all that, rah-rah,” he said dryly.

“Can I stay with Beomgyu? You know...for company?” The boy looked up with a hopeful puppy face. His hair rumpled into curls, and his eyes opened ever so widely. He looked so...young. Beomgyu didn’t know how he ended up here, in a warzone.

“No, Huening, you need to get back to your unit and watch their backs.” So was that his name? It sounded familiar. Huening frowned at Jisung and stayed still before Jisung sighed and gave up. “Look, come back in an hour, and I’ll let you collect him, is that fair?”

“Sweet! And it’s KAI. Beomgyu and I told you that you don’t have to call us by our last names. We’re all friends here. And anyway, we’re both only seventeen since -”

“-Since you and Beomgyu both enlisted early by fudging your age to nineteen when you’re both really seventeen, illegally I might add, because you wanted to defend our country from evil. Yes, yes, I’ve heard the story before.” Kai just beamed. “Alright, Kai. Come back in an hour.”

“Yes sir!” Kai shouted overdramatically, swiveling around before marching back the way they’d come.

“A handful” Jisung chuckled. “That’s what you two are. A handful. Anyways, did you hit yourself on a rock or something? Or was this from the blast?” Jisung asked, gesturing towards the now bandaged arm.

Beomgyu thought about it, then stilled. “I...don’t remember.”

Jisung didn’t seem to think much of it, but proceeded to ask him, “Do you remember the explosion?”

“No...no I don’t remember. I can’t remember Jisung. I can’t remember,” Beomgyu breathed, clenching the sheets on the mattress.

“It’s ok, shh, calm down. You don’t remember the explosion. That’s ok. It’s ok Beomgyu.” Jisung shifted his body to sit beside him on the mattress. “Ok, now, what’s the last thing you remember?”

“I, I don’t know” he swallowed. “I didn’t even remember Kai’s name, and like, it sounds familiar, but I didn’t remember.” Beomgyu forced himself to breathe, stifling a sob. Tears would do him no good here.

“Ok,” Jisung said. His voice was calm, but Beomgyu could still detect the tremor within. It wasn’t at all reassuring. “Why don’t, why don’t you just stay here, ok? We won’t send you back out there until you start remembering stuff, alright? It shouldn’t be too long.” Beomgyu wondered if he knew how strained his smile looked.

However, not wanting to talk anymore, Beomgyu just opted to nod. “Ok” he breathed.

“Good man,” Jisung said, clapping him on the shoulder. “Now look, I have a lot of other guys I need to go look after. But if you need anything, just come get me, alright? I’m here for you,” Jisung smiled again. It was a tired smile, but a more sincere one. “I’m here for you.”

“Alright. Thanks.” Beomgyu lets himself give a smile back before collapsing back onto the mattress. This was all, so, fucked.

It was forty minutes of lying on his back, trying to fall asleep. Forty minutes of men shouting and crying. Forty minutes of machine guns popping and artillery fire. Forty minutes hoping a bomber didn’t come overhead and end them all in the next few minutes. It had been forty minutes, and Beomgyu had given up.

Groaning, he sat upright and blearily blinked about. The mattresses had grown more occupied, and Jisung seemed more frenzied than ever. Beomgyu repeated that thought in his mind. If there were more injured people now, what did that mean?

Shivering, though whether from the breeze or nerves Beomgyu wasn’t sure, he donned his coat that he had used as a pillow while trying to sleep. Looking down at his uniform underneath, he sighed. He didn’t even remember who he was fighting against. In this war. Only that Kai had said that they’d believed in the cause enough to get themselves to the front lines. Beomgyu wished he remembered that cause. He wished he remembered everything.

It was a few minutes later that he sunk his hands into the coat pockets. With a slumped back, he huddled in on himself. Yet to his surprise, his hands stumbled upon something glossy. Lifting the item out of its place, Beomgyu held it up to his face. A wide smile stared back at him. It was a photograph. A photograph of a young man smiling at the camera. It looked pleasantly candid. He looked happy. Scrunching up his nose, he sighed, another part of his memory he lost he supposed.

Fingering around with the gloss, Beomgyu found himself staring back at the guy’s eyes. They were like moon crescents, with a sparkle that Beomgyu wasn’t sure if it was just a trick of the light. He was wearing a cap. Tall. Pale with jet black hair.

Beomgyu shook away these thoughts and moved his eyes to the background. He saw there were other people, but their faces were obscured. Some sort of outdoor celebration, perhaps? He flipped the photograph over. On the back, there was one just one thing. A signature, Choi Soobin. Soobin.

Beomgyu stares at the name for what seems like an entire half a minute. Choi Soobin. He memorizes what appears to be every curl in the script before flipping the image over once more to the owner of the name. It felt electric and almost magical. His heartbeat accelerated. Beomgyu didn’t know why.

But it also felt safe. In these hopeless trenches of screams. In these trenches of hellfire and fear, the photograph felt solid. His memory might be lost, but this photograph wasn’t. It was solid. Solid and here. Beomgyu gripped it tighter.

“Beomgyu! Dude, come on!” Jumping in place on the mattress, Beomgyu quickly stuffed the photograph back into the coat pocket. Bumbling, through the array of mattresses, came Kai. It was done anything but gracefully, but the eager energy that seemed to naturally ooze off him was endearing.

The brown hair and choco colored eyes on his friend contrasted with his alabaster skin.  
Kai screamed friendly pet more than soldier. A sudden roar of artillery fire blasted through the air, and Beomgyu let out a wince. Looking back at Kai, his heart clenched.

“Hey, you alright now? Seokjin’s waiting for us.”

Beomgyu gulped. No. No, he wasn’t alright. He still could barely remember anything. And Jisung had told him to stay here. And yet...it was that thought that made up Beomgyu’s mind.

“Yeah, let’s go” he found himself saying, letting out a small grin when he saw Kai’s megawatt smile. Glancing around, he spotted Jisung bandaging up another soldier. He looked far worse than Beomgyu did, so Beomgyu doubted he’d be missed too much. And regardless, even if he’s not supposed to leave, Jisung is districted, and Beomgyu hates hospitals.

“Yes, of course, Lieutenant Kim. I’ll get on it, sir.” Beomgyu heard the voice before he saw it, the eagerness to please combined with a healthy dose of gravitas required in a military environment. Yet the departing figure soon held little interest for him as the Lieutenant had shifted his attention to them.

Lieutenant Kim was an inch or so shorter than Beomgyu with wavy, dirty blond hair. Though Beomgyu stopped calling him Lieutenant Kim when he gave Beomgyu an odd look, whereupon Kai groaned and said, “not you too, we call people by their first names in this squad. Don’t let Jisung infect you!”

Beomgyu just chuckled awkwardly.

“Seok-Jin. Repeat after me” Kai waved his arms exaggeratedly, “Seok-Jin.”

Seokjin just raised an eyebrow. Beomgyu shuffled nervously. “Of course, Seokjin. Sorry, sir, I hit my head, and my arm was getting bandaged up and stuff…”

His wry smile quickly turned into a concerned frown. Stepping forward, Seokjin looked into his eyes before shifting his gaze to his bandaged arm.

“Are you alright? I was going to have you help move some supplies, but it looks like you’ve been pretty banged up there. Beomgyu I want you to take -”

“No!” Beomgyu blurted. “I mean, I mean no, sir.” The Lieutenant raised an eyebrow again. Beomgyu switched tactics. “Please, Seokjin, I’m fine. See?” Adopting what he hoped was a gummy smile, Beomgyu gave a thumbs up. He hoped it was at least halfway convincing.

Seokjin sighed. “Well...if you’re sure. Normally I’d insist you take a bit more time off. Still, my superiors have been really insistent upon us getting those supplies moved to another section of the trenches.”

“Thank you! I - I mean, thank you, Seokjin.”

Kai looked at him like he had just noticed something strange. Beomgyu pretended he didn’t notice.

“Yeah yeah, alright. Then Beomgyu, I want you to go down with Jaemin and Yeonjun. Just take the path on the left. Kai, you’re with me. We’ve got other stuff to do.”

Kai’s eyes narrowed. “But Seokjin, I want to stay with -”

“Nope.” He said, already walking away. “You two are inseparable. It’ll be good for you both to grow some independence out here.”

"..."

"Our squad doesn't leave anyone behind Kai. Yeonjun and Jaemin will take good care of Beomgyu," came the exasperated addendum.

Kai hadn't moved. A few seconds later, Jin suddenly stopped and glanced over his shoulder. “Kai...now.”

With a string of expletives muttered under his breath and a mumbled “see yah” directed his way, Kai trudged after the Lieutenant. He really was a puppy. Beomgyu just smiled fondly at the scene, before turning around to find the two men Seokjin had directed him to.

Jaemin was the first man he noticed. Although, he’d be surprised if he wasn’t the first man anyone noticed. His chiseled jawline shone clearly in the light of the artillery fire. Skin unblemished wearing an easy smile, Beomgyu imagined Jaemin could have been a magazine cover model. In another life. Even his hair was worn longer than that of the other soldiers, styled up in a way few others bothered to.

Yeonjun was next. With muscled arms and a torso to match, Beomgyu thought perhaps he was the only one meant for any of this. The only one capable of any of this.

It was only thanks to Yeonjun shouting Jaemin’s name that Beomgyu even knew who was who. He was glad Yeonjun did, because it wasn’t long before Jaemin was asking him if he was feeling better.

“You alright there? Kai had mentioned you got caught up in a blast.” Beomgyu reached into his coat pockets to rub the outline of the photograph. Had he not been so out of sorts, his heart might have flipped. As it was, he just grimaced.

“Still a bit sore, but I’ll manage. Jisung got me back on my feet.”

“He always does,” Jaemin smiled.

“I hate the infirmary” Yeonjun groaned as he jumped down from the crates he was standing on. “They prod and poke, and you just have to sit there, you know?” Yeonjun ran his fingers across the shaft of his gun. “Sit there and wait. Useless. While the rest of the world moves on at a breathless pace without you.”

“Speaking of moving, you’re probably supposed to be lifting the supplies and reorganizing them, Yeonjun.”

Beomgyu took this as his queue to join in on the work.

Yeonjun rolled his eyes before following through. “Well you’re just about that life, aren’t you Jaemin? Sitting around, looking pretty.”

“And is there really anything wrong with that?” Jaemin chuckled. “A simple life outside this madness?” Stretching his arms up, Beomgyu caught the solid form of well-defined abs below his shirt. He reminded him a bit of his mysterious Soobin, without the butterflies. His eyes widened after processing that thought.

Scrunching his nose, Yeonjun slammed another crate down into place. “You know,” he started, shifting his body to face both of them. “I heard that the enemy is sending tanks out to us. How long do you think we’ll last?”

Beomgyu shivered, “And how accurate are those rumors?”

Yeonjun smiled wryly. “Oh I hope they’re accurate. What I’d do to fight some of those menaces myself.” Rubbing his hands, he breathed warm air onto them. “It’s what we’re here to do, you know? Not sitting here, waiting for some kinda death certificate. For some kinda savior to win things for us. We gotta get out there and win this ourselves. I say we take the fight to them!”

“How awfully dramatic” a dry voice echoed behind him. Beomgyu jumped up half an inch. Peering over his shoulder, he made out the dark figure of another man heading towards them.

“Hey, Taehyun, here to help?” Jaemin asked while finishing packing up his crate.

“Hardly,” he smirked. It was...off-putting. Yet Beomgyu couldn’t explain...how.

Yeonjun furrowed his brow in anger. “Then get lost Taehyun, we’re busy here you dumbass.”

A false smile mirrored back. “You know, sometimes I wonder who really is the oldest here. Jaemin and I are nineteen, and you’re what, twenty? Yet you’re the one with a rock for a brain -”

“I said get lost, you piece of shit” Yeonjun snarled. “Get out of here, or I’ll make you.”

Jaemin looked ready to say something but was quickly cut off by Taehyun. “Gladly. Alas, I’m afraid I’ll have to take you all with me.” Sliding a knife along the side of his arm, Taehyun looked deceptively calm. Beomgyu’s feeling of discomfort only grew. “Seokjin wants us to fall back to the infirmary. We’re evacuating our wounded.”

“Is it that bad?” Beomgyu breathed.

Taehyun’s gaze slowly turned to him. “I guess we’ll see, won’t we?” Humming a tune Beomgyu didn’t recognize; the teen headed back the way he came.

“Alright, you heard him, let’s head back” Jaemin smiled. But this time, Beomgyu could tell it was a little forced. Even the strongest mirrors have cracks, Beomgyu supposed.

“What a fucking weirdo” Yeonjun spat, as they followed the twisting maze of trenches. “He’s always been a right, slimy bastard. Wouldn’t be surprised to find one of those knives at my throat one day.”

“He’s not that horrible” Beomgyu said, twisting away from a group of running soldiers passing him on his left. The shouts and screams grew louder. Beomgyu felt sick.

“Not that bad? Not that bad? Why are you always defending him? He’s a loner and a loser, so screw off.”

Always defending him? Was that something he had done before? Before he could open his mouth to reply, Beomgyu found himself being shoved hard against the wall. His back screamed.

Yanking Yeonjun off him, Jaemin shot him a glare, only to have Yeonjun storm away towards the others. Beomgyu blinked. “What did I even -”

“Don’t worry about it” Jaemin quickly interjected. “We’re all just...stressed.” Sweat had started to trickle down Jaemin’s forehead. Beomgyu frowned.

“Anyways, let’s get you back to Kai” Jaemin teased, linking his arm with his, and within a few minutes, bringing them into the clearing of the infirmary.

Beomgyu could almost taste the metallic blood that seemed to permeate the very air. Grimacing, he looked up to avoid the mangled bodies of his comrades. No, he thought, I’m not a coward. Forcing his gaze back to the scene around him, the horrors of the war filled his vision once more. And in the end, it was only Jaemin’s strong arm around him that kept his reluctant frame moving forwards.

In the midst of the chaos, Beomgyu could make out Seokjin belaying orders while Jisung shuffled medical supplies out. Already, half the beds had been vacated as the wounded were taken out of the zone of conflict.

“Ah there you are, I need you all to help the wounded out. We’ve already put most of them on stretchers, but they need to get out of these trenches,” Seokjin said while running a tired hand through his hair. Walking closer until he was face to face with Beomgyu, Seokjin let out a small smile. “I understand you were just here yourself Beomgyu, if you aren’t strong enough to carry them, just help Jisung over there with the supplies.”

“No. No sir, Seokjin, I’ll be fine” Beomgyu let out resolutely. He had to be.

“Of course. Should we return here to meet up after?” Jaemin asked.

“No. You boys head to the rendezvous point once it gets too dangerous. We’ll meet there.”

“Yeah, come back here, and the enemy will be sure to give us all a good gutting,” Taehyun smirked, walking in with another guy. Beomgyu vaguely recognized him. He didn’t remember from where. “I wonder where they’d start?” Taehyun continued. “There are a lot of ways to gut someone, you know. From the writs all the way up the arm? Or maybe -”

“INCOMING” screamed a voice to the left. It held all the perversely eager cadence of an awestruck spectator. Except they weren’t spectators. Plastering himself to the floor, Beomgyu heard the groaning of the ground itself, rising in a horrific crescendo propelled skyward by the artillery fire. It settled with a wave of screams from the newly wounded. Pushing himself up with his elbows, the same metallic smell came back stronger. Beomgyu wanted to wretch.

“Go,” Seokjin growled. His face looked pained as he remained lying on the floor. “Go quick. You have to get these wounded men out of here.”

Beomgyu hesitated for a second, torn between helping his commanding officer and executing his command. But the look in Seokjin’s eye had him running to help Jaemin with the stretchers. Smiling, Jaemin looked down at the wounded man, whispering assurances as they both carried the stretcher through the trenches to safety. As they passed by retreating comrades, Beomgyu let himself space out and focus on the calm, whispered assurances Jaemin gave the man. The golden thread keeping him tethered to the here and now.

What once was a light burden grew more cumbersome the longer they carried him. Yet Beomgyu wasn’t upset by it. For the here and now was all he had, and thus he carried little. He wished he could remember and carry more. Maybe things would feel more meaningful then; less confusing. They turned another corner. This would have to do.

As the white shimmer of a medic unit shone ahead, Jaemin and Beomgyu powered on. Placing the stretcher by the others, they stood before being intercepted by one of the medics. “Hey, you” he shouted, pointing at Jaemin, “Could you come over here and help us with this? Meanwhile, you watch over him for a minute, then you both can go back and keep helping us move our men.”

Blinking owlishly, Beomgyu shuffled over to the wounded man, truly taking him in for the first time. He was older, maybe twenty-three. Young, by society standards, but perfect for war. Beomgyu absentmindedly traced over the man’s sling with his mind, the dirty clothes, the haggard look. War is hell.

“So, is this your boyfriend or something? Is he back home, or has he been drafted into this mess too?”

Peering down, Beomgyu was startled to see the photograph in the man’s hand, and the name on the back: Choi Soobin. “Yeah” he found himself saying. “He was drafted, on the other front.”

Stupid, stupid Beomgyu thought. Why would you just make up a lie like that?

“Heh. Quite the looker there. Though tough luck on the separate front thing,” the man said, handing Beomgyu the picture back. He tucked it in his coat more securely this time.

“I got a girlfriend back home myself. I don’t know if I’ll ever see her again, but you know if I die out here, at least I know she’s safe at home, you know?”

“Yeah,” Beomgyu let out, a hint of bitterness in his throat. “I know.”

“Hey, I got this one here” the voice of the medic he’d seen before rang out. Beomgyu felt a hand clamp on his shoulder a few seconds later. “Unfortunately I need to keep Jaemin here, but why don’t you head back and keep bringing our guys here. I’m sure you’ll find someone else to help you carry.”

Beomgyu nodded slowly. “Alright, yeah. I’ll...go do that.”

The myriad of men making their way out had lessened by that point to a small, desperate trickle. Beomgyu could feel the hairs on his neck tense. The enemy was likely near. And yet he had a job to do. Jisung and Seokjin were probably still back at the infirmary. They needed help. His fellow soldiers needed help.

Beomgyu picked up the pace. Turning a corner, he skidded to a stop. One of the two paths was blocked by fallen rock. Walking closer, he could make out faint cries of help on the other side. Beomgyu walked right up to the fallen stones. The walls of the trenches were tall here. Very tall.

Lifting a rock, Beomgyu grunted at the weight before setting it down to the side. Then did it again, and again. He was close now. He could almost see -

“Get out of the way!” Beomgyu’s world spun as the shout in his ear turned into a forceful push. Sent sprawling to the floor a few feet away - Beomgyu gasped in pain and confusion. The sound of crumbling rock rang out, and dust particles obscured the air. It was only once the dust cleared that Beomgyu regained his bearings. Righting his now throbbing ankle, he raised his head to see a heap of boulders occupying the space where he was a few seconds ago. The walls of the trench had completely caved in.

“You utter moron,” came a hiss, and Beomgyu found his collar being shaken. It was Kai. “You stupid, dumb, lovable, idiot.”

Face worn with anxiety, and eyes laced with anger, Kai stared him down with a quivering mouth. Beomgyu’s heart sank. He hadn’t meant to worry him. “Kai...you, you saved me.”

“Of course I saved you,” Kai mumbled, bringing him into a hug. Beomgyu sank into the welcoming warmth. “I almost lost you once, you know…” Kai whispered, tracing circles along Beomgyu’s back. “I almost lost you once. And that was more than enough.”

Leaning back, Kai gripped Beomgyu’s shoulders with his hands in a nervous grasp. His chocolate eyes stared into him, as water started to pool in them. “You’re my best friend, Gyu. The only one I ever had” Kai choked out. “You can’t leave me.”

Beomgyu forced himself to blink. “I won’t,” he found himself whispering. “I promise. I won’t.”

It was only a moment later he recognized the blood on Kai’s hand. “You’re hurt,” he gasped, reaching out to grip his arms. “Did one of the boulders graze you?”

Kai shifted in place, averting his eyes. “It’s fine, Gyu.” Beomgyu frowned, ripping a piece of his undershirt off. “What are you even doing?” Kai asked.

“You’ll see,” Beomgyu said. Gripping Kai’s arms again, Gyu wrapped the shirt around Kai’s hand to staunch the bleeding.

Kai groaned good-naturedly. “It’s just a cut Beomgyu. Anyways,” he started with a playful grin, “it was worth it, if it meant saving your life and all.”

Beomgyu found himself letting out a choked laugh, his own eyes watering a bit at the surge of newfound affection he felt towards Kai. He’d never wanted to remember everything more than now. “Yeah. Yeah, I suppose it was.”

Kai beamed as Beomgyu finished his impromptu bandage. “Good! Now let’s get back to work” Kai smiled, linking his arms with Beomgyu’s. The walk back to the infirmary was fraught with a lessening amount of yelling soldiers as most of their fellow men finished up the retreat. Kai’s cheer wavered with each artillery fire, and Beomgyu found himself holding Kai’s arm tighter each time, as if doing so would protect the boy from the world itself.

“Alrighty,” Kai huffed dramatically, as he brought them to a halt. The path had split into three directions. “This is where we part ways for now,” he said, wiggling his brows.

Beomgyu frowned. “What do you mean part ways? Aren’t you going back to the infirmary too? We have to get the last of the injured out.”

Kai shook his head. “Nah they sent me to get some of the munitions out of the storerooms. We got to be able to shoot back, I guess if we want to survive,” Kai said, making finger guns. Beomgyu’s frown deepened. The separation was not part of his plans. “I guess I’ll see you on the other side?”

“No, Kai, wait. Are you sure you want to split up? I’ll go with you if you want.”

“You don’t want to leave me!” Kai delightedly shouted. Jumping into Beomgyu’s arms, he let out a chuckle. “You have to go get the last of those people out. I’ll see you soon. Okay?”

Beomgyu was silent for a moment. “Okay,” he finally rasped. “Okay, see you soon.”

Giving Beomgyu a final squeeze, Kai turned to leave. “See ya Gyu!” he laughed with crescent eyes, racing down the rightmost path. Beomgyu waited until the last of his endearing poodle-like hair disappeared, before himself running down the middle path.

When Beomgyu finally made it through the clearing that was the infirmary, there were only a dozen or so men left on mattresses. The clamoring noise of the war engine had died down, leaving a persistent silence that rang out louder than any gunfire could. It felt like fear. A cold, primal fear.

Spotting Jisung, Beomgyu made his way over with long strides. The man who had been with Taehyun earlier was following Jisung, trailing him like a worried shadow. Even with the pressing feeling of damnation in the air, Jisung was the only one in the room who looked unaffected, as he skillfully moved from one injured man to the next. Beomgyu was reluctantly impressed.

Upon reaching the medic, Jisung’s eyes snapped up and landed right on him. “Choi Beomgyu, you little shit,” he said, cuffing him lightly on the shoulder. “I never discharged you.”

Beomgyu grimaced inside but managed to let out a weak smile anyway. “What can I say, duty called.”

“I’m sure,” Jisung scoffed, finishing bandaging the man below them. “Chenle, Beomgyu, I need you to take him to the rendezvous point. Make sure he gets to the nurses there.” Another name to add to the collection, Beomgyu, darkly mused. Looking at Chenle to cement a name to a face, he quickly noticed that Chenle was horrified. Glancing around the area, it wasn’t hard to see why. Other than the three of them and the dozen injured soldiers, there was no one left. Not another medic or soldier standing guard in sight.

“Jisung...well, what about you?” Beomgyu asked. The pit in his stomach felt worse. He could see Chenle nodding firmly, gripping the medic’s shoulder tightly.

“You can’t just stay behind,” Chenle spoke. “You have to get out of here with us.”

Jisung sighed. It seems this wasn’t the first time they had held this argument. “No, Chenle, I need you to take these men out. The sooner you all are able to do that, the sooner I’ll be able to get out of here myself.”

“But this place will be overrun soon,” Chenle stressed.

“All the more reason for you two to hurry up,” Jisung finished. “They’ll be more men here soon to help evacuate the rest of the wounded.”

“No, Jisungie, no one else is coming!” Chenle said shrilly. “You have to leave with us.”

Raising his back to his full height, Jisung mustered every inch of dignity he could and looked them both head-on. Leaning into Chenle’s ear, he whispered something soft before giving him a squeeze, a pat on the back, and returning to his previous position. “I will not be leaving my post until every last person is safe.” Jisung said firmly. He softened a bit. “Please, help me do that.” Beomgyu nodded and moved to carry one end of the cot, while Chenle took a few seconds longer.

“Let’s go quick, so we can get back” Beomgyu whispers. Chenle let out a pained nod, and they started off. Abandoned posts and weaponry bound Beomgyu’s line of sight as they ran through the trenches with their live cargo. Faint voices could be heard in the distance. His heart clenched when he realized he couldn’t tell if it was the enemy’s or their allies.

The mud from the floor splattered and licked his boots as he ran, his arms heavy as lead with burden. Yet they pressed on without fail, for they had to get back. They had to go back.

Beomgyu let his mind numb and wander through the run. He wondered if Kai had made it back already. Probably. Chenle had taken up time back at the infirmary. He seemed awfully sweet with Jisung...he wondered if… Beomgyu shook his head. Although these thoughts were hardly helpful. They just lead right back to the handsome man in his coat pocket. He wondered. Wondered if he was fighting this war at all. Maybe on the other front - like Beomgyu himself had said. He wondered if Soobin was as scared as he was. Doubtful. It couldn’t get much worse than this hell.

It was with these thoughts of a tall guy with sexy, jet black hair that Beomgyu finally made his way out of the trenches. After letting down the cot for a ten-second rest, he again picked up the cot with Chenle before racing off again in a silent sprint. In a desperate rally to the rendezvous point.

They started reencountering people. Other soldiers who had also escaped the trenches. Many had their uniforms caked in dirt, if not their faces obscured by the same substance. Beomgyu wondered if anyone was truly clean in this war.

A loud rumble began up ahead. Terror. The untold terror Beomgyu felt at that moment was indescribable. The rumble grew louder as the men around them screamed to get down. Twin bomber planes roared from the skies out of nowhere - having used the sun itself as cover. Scrambling, Beomgyu pressed himself into the weeds nearby, clasping his hands over his ears in a mad prayer of hope.

Then the bombs began dropping. Every second was a lifetime. A lifetime thinking that the moment of him cowering in a bed of grass would be his last. Pathetic. It felt like a lifetime...it was probably barely a minute. Standing up, Beomgyu noticed a rifle nearby. There was no one to claim it.

There weren’t even any screams, the bombs had killed that well. Beomgyu reckoned they’d been vaporized. The urge to vomit came back.

“Beomgyu,” a tired voice brought him back. “We have to go…” Chenle said. “Jisungie…”

“Yeah. Yeah, we have to go.” Beomgyu agreed, walking over to lift the cot once more. It was only once the smoke from the bombs had cleared that he spared a glance back at the trenches. Armored monsters of death lay on the other side, soldiers too far to make out individually, but recognizable as a group all the same. The war machine had come. The enemy had brought tanks. Running faster, Beomgyu bit his tongue. He wouldn’t cry. Chenle couldn’t know until they got to the rendezvous point. Please, please don’t look back; he prayed.

He wondered if the enemy soldiers had reached the infirmary yet. Had climbed down the empty walls of the trenches into the sanctuary. He pictured Jisung standing firm as waves of killers descended into his abode of healing. Maybe, maybe he was alright. Maybe he got out in time. Yet picturing the firm countenance of the honorable medic, Beomgyu’s subconscious told him he probably hadn’t tried. Beomgyu tried not to scream.

Ten minutes later saw the duo finally discharging their patient at the rendezvous point. Beomgyu swore he had never been happier to see Seokjin’s face, even if he couldn’t remember anything from yesterday or before.

“Good, you’re both back,” Seokjin smiled, relieved. “I was getting worried.”

“Of course, Lieutenant. We wouldn’t be anywhere else,” Beomgyu sighed good-naturedly. He was itching to wash up, grab some food, and rest for a few hours.

“Wait, Beomgyu, where’s Kai?” Seokjin frowned, scanning the area.

Beomgyu’s breath lodged in his throat. “What do you mean, where’s Kai? He went to go get the munitions. He isn’t back already?”

Seokjin just stared at him.

“You haven’t seen him?” Beomgyu’s voice started to get louder. “He has to be around here somewhere. We took a while to get back ourselves, he should be back by now!”

“Beomgyu, Beomgyu, we have to go back anyway, remember? For Jisung and the other wounded men,” Chenle said nervously. “We should go now, we can look for Kai on the way.”

“Guys…” Seokjin started. “We got confirmation a few minutes ago the infirmary has been overrun, and the munitions area was taken even before that.” He let out a breath. “I’m sorry, but...the trenches have been completely overrun. You’re not going back.”

Chenle let out a wounded cry. “What, that’s not...I was supposed to go back. I was supposed to protect him!”

Seokjin moved towards Chenle to try and bring him into a hug, but Chenle pushed back. “This...this isn’t right. I have to, I have to save him Seokjin! I’m going back!”

Beomgyu’s knees gave out, as he sank into the concrete ground of the rendezvous point. Chenle’s worried screeches turned to screams. Primal screams of a lost and wounded animal that knocked the breath out of you. The kind that keeps you up on a silent cold winter night, years later. And then...even that was drummed out by the raging gun and artillery fire in the distance.

But all Beomgyu could think of was one thing as the shock started to shut him down. As his vision blurred, he felt his torso crumple. The one person who mattered most wasn’t there. Kai, was gone.


	2. Feelings

Beomgyu’s vision was blurred. None of this was fair. None of this was remotely how it was supposed to happen. Kai was the best of them. A damn kid. So why…

Each fire of an artillery weapon felt like a heartbeat. A thunderous crescendo that raised every time it fired. He clenched his fists. Pushing himself up, Beomgyu kicked the dirt in front of him and started towards the rest of his squad. His remaining squad. 

Chenle had quieted down to whimpers and muffled sobs. Beomgyu clenched his teeth.

“You lied to me,” Beomgyu snarled, grabbing Seokjin’s shirt and slamming him against a nearby barrel. “You fucking lied to me, _Lieutenant_.” 

Jaemin jumped up and placed an arm on Beomgyu’s shoulder. “Beomgyu…” Beomgyu brushed him off.

“You said, ‘no one gets left behind in this squad.’ Well, where the hell is Jisung? Where in the blazes is Kai?” Beomgyu saw red. “I’ll tell you where they’re not! They're not fucking here!” Beomgyu screamed. Gripping Seokjin’s neck, he pushed him against the barrel again. 

“Beomgyu let him go,” Yeonjun snapped, pushing Jaemin away and coming to Beomgyu’s side. Seokjin just looked back at Beomgyu open-mouthed, tears of his own beginning to pool in his eyes.

“Nothing to say, do you? You’re absolutely _useless_ . _Worthless_ as a commander. Telling me that we should split up for independence. And now he’s probably _dead_.”

“Get the fuck off him,” Yeonjun spat, moving to slam Beomgyu off Seokjin. But Beomgyu was quicker. In one swift move, he raised his fist and socked Yeonjun square in the face. 

The shocked silence was instant, as Yeonjun staggered back. Beomgyu noted the punch kinda hurt his fist like hell. He reckoned he didn’t give a damn. Pushing Seokjin towards Yeonjun, he started to make his way towards the main area of the rendezvous point, and most importantly, away from them all. Beomgyu could hear a sudden cackle from one of the members. 

“Fuck you!” Yeonjun screamed, and the cackle fell silent a few seconds later. “Choi Beomgyu, get back here! I’m going to end you, you utter shit!”

Glancing back, Beomgyu saw Yeonjun surging forward, slowed only by the arresting arms of Jaemin. He still didn’t get it, huh? Beomgyu would teach him a lesson. Why was an ingrate Yeonjun even here? Why were any of them here if Kai wasn’t?

An upper-crust accent froze the scene. “Is everything alright here? I thought I heard a disturbance.” Clipped, staccato, footsteps could be heard on gravel. Beomgyu’s vision cleared, and his body turned in mute horror to face a Colonel, flanked by two other officers. All of whom were much higher ranked than even Seokjin. 

Beomgyu felt like he had been drenched in cold water. He was screwed. Royally and completely screwed. He had practically assaulted Seokjin - his superior officer. He’d be thrown in jail if he was lucky. Shot in the head if he wasn’t. Even Chenle had stood up at attention. He could see Yeonjun wore a badly suppressed smirk on his face. It was over. 

“Yes, sir! Everything is fine here.”

Beomgyu startled at the voice. It was Seokjin.

“Really,” came the drawl. “Then why are you all not all resting Lieutenant? It’s nearly nightfall, and bodies grow tired. And we all know our country has no use for inefficient soldiers.”

Everyone held their breaths. Seokjin seemed to fumble for a moment before being able to speak. “We were just...mourning, sir. Two of our squadmates are...they passed not an hour ago. The squad just needed a few moments to heal.”

“The loss of two soldiers is unfortunate for the country, as it means there are two fewer guns pointed at the enemy. But their individual losses…”

Beomgyu’s nails dug into his palms.

“- Are rather meaningless. Soldiers die all the time, and we’re in a precarious position. You must understand this and pull your squad together. Your physical condition must be prime. The attachments, the...affections you held for your fallen comrades is rather irrelevant.”

Beomgyu thought he heard Chenle let out a small gasp. He wondered if his own nails had drawn blood yet.

“I understand, sir,” Seokjin said, bowing his head. “Alright everyone, you’ve heard our orders. Let’s move to camp!”

“Yes sir!” came the muted reply. Beomgyu’s saliva tasted metallic. 

“Thank you, sir” he heard Seokjin say, “for your insight.”

“Of course Lieutenant,” the self-assured voice said. Beomgyu could imagine the smug grin even as he walked away. “I’m always happy to share wisdom with...impressionable young officers like yourself. For duty and country, of course.”

“For duty and country.”

* * *

  
  


The morning had been a blissful one to wake up to. Brought about by the chirping of birds, instead of the near-constant sounds of machine guns, airplanes, and artillery fire that had characterized much of the previous day. Glancing around his small tent, he inhaled a breath of morning dew and smiled.

Slipping on his pants, Beomgyu washed his face with a washcloth before laying back on his sleeping bag, enjoying the treasured silence.

Yet he had allowed his mind to wander for too long. In his ruminations, the reality of what had occurred the day prior depressed his spirit inexorably. Jisung was gone. His best friend, Kai, was still missing. And he had taken it all out on Seokjin, only for the man to cover for him in front of the Colonel. 

Beomgyu bowed his head. He should go apologize. Donning the last of his uniform parts, he paused. Would Seokjin even want to forgive him? Did he deserve to be forgiven? 

He hesitated, before shaking his head. It hardly mattered, Beomgyu decided. He owed Seokjin an apology face to face regardless of the outcome. 

Pushing the flap aside, he stepped out into the bustle of the military camp. Beomgyu could see dozens of men making their way through the morning. Unlike the frenzied pace of yesterday, they seemed different. Despondent. Weary. Like the weight of the loss had aged them. Beomgyu walked quicker.

“The lists are up!” He heard a shout. A growing crowd of men had congregated around a tall wooden pole. A panel was attached. A list of names.

Changing direction towards the pole, Beomgyu pushed his countrymen aside. He had to see it. 

Dead. Wounded. Missing.

Bracing himself from a kick to the shin another overeager soldier accidentally gave him, Beomgyu staggered over to the dead panel. “Come on. Come on, please…”

James

Jacob

Jaesug

Jimmy

Jinhyuk

Beomgyu paused in apprehension. 

Jonathan 

Joonki 

No Jisung. No Jisung! Beomgyu let out a breath of relief before growing nervous again. He had saved Kai for last. He had saved Kai for last because Kai was _his_. He couldn’t be here.

Kaden 

Kangmin 

Keith

Beomgyu stopped. Kai. Kai would be before Kaden. Placing his hand on the board, he shuttered in happiness. There was hope. They weren’t dead. There was a chance it could all be temporary. 

Moving sideways towards the other boards, Beomgyu glazed his eyes over the Wounded panel to make sure neither had been listed there either, before moving to the last one. The array of names seemed dizzying. 

MISSING: _The following names list those missing in action. Those whose names have been crossed out have been later confirmed dead. Those with a circle have been found alive._

Aaron

Adrian 

Anthony

Beomgyu drew in a shaky breath before scanning his eyes downwards. 

Jisung Park

Kai Kamal Huening

Their names were untouched. Not dead for sure, but not alive for certain either. Beomgyu released the breath he had been holding, letting the crowd push him back towards the end of the line once more. Maybe he was more like Yeonjun than he thought. He hated the waiting. He couldn’t even remember anything before yesterday, but that day was all he had. To Beomgyu - his squad was his world, his only memory. He just wanted everyone back.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Stepping off the gravel and onto the softness of the grass, Beomgyu trudged to Seokjin’s tent. Standing at the entrance, he paused, the autumn breeze licking at his face. Beomgyu stared at the tent’s flap, rapidly attempting to think of a suitable way to phrase things - only to invariably come up blank. He should have planned sooner.

“Hello? Is someone out there?” came the voice from inside the structure. Cursing quietly, Beomgyu lifted the tent’s entrance before stepping in. “Oh...Beomgyu, it’s you.”

Shuffling awkwardly with downcast eyes, Beomgyu made to sit in a tent corner. “Uhm, yeah. It is.”

Beomgyu focused on the indistinct chatter from the busy rendezvous point before drawing in a breath. “So...they put up the names.” 

“Oh,” said Seokjin quietly. Pushing past his fear and glancing up, Beomgyu took a good look at his commanding officer for the first time that day. Jaemin had told him Seokjin was twenty-one and the oldest member of the squad. But in that instant, he looked small. Beomgyu drew in a shaky breath.

“Yeah. Yeah, I did. They’re not…they’re not on the list of dead people.”

Seokjin’s eyes snapped up to meet his. The quiet relief was palpable in them. It just made Beomgyu feel worse. “They’re not on the wounded list either. They’re still…”

“Still on the missing list then,” Seokjin finished. Lifting his head a bit, Seokjin came into himself a bit more. “Well at least there’s a chance then. Look, Beomgyu...I just wanted to say… I’m sorry.” 

Beomgyu’s mouth dropped open. What?

“I was wrong to try and separate you guys. I never imagined that…”

“No.” Beomgyu blinked when he found it was him who had spoken up. Seokjin tilted his head in confusion, but Beomgyu pressed on. “No, you shouldn’t be the one apologizing,” he said, shifting closer. “I was a jerk, and...in my grief, I took it out on you. From what I’ve seen, you’ve been nothing but a good leader. And, I’m sorry. I just -” Beomgyu found his face had lowered itself into his hands. “I just miss them.”

A pregnant pause hung in the room, shattered only when Beomgyu felt a long arm wrap itself around his back. It was only a minute later he realized his hands and face were wet. Wet with his eye’s natural moisturizer. Letting out a rather snooty sniff, Beomgyu wiped away h̶i̶s̶ ̶t̶e̶a̶r̶s̶ the wetness on his face, before l̶e̶a̶n̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶i̶n̶t̶o̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶c̶o̶m̶f̶o̶r̶t̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶S̶e̶o̶k̶j̶i̶n̶'̶s̶ ̶s̶h̶o̶u̶l̶d̶e̶r̶ resting his head. 

“I miss them too, you know,” Seokjin said lowly. He raised his voice a bit, optimism leaking out. “But there’s a chance, we just have to believe in them. Maybe, maybe they won’t be able to rejoin our squad again. But they could have made it out somehow. You never know.”

The deepest, rawest part of him privately thought there wasn’t much of a chance of it. But the greater part of him latched onto Seokjin’s hope, onto them still being on the missing list. There was always a chance.

“Anyways,” Seokjin drawled, lightly poking Beomgyu in the stomach and shaking him out of his musings. “Thank you, for the apology. Cause you were a jerk you know. The biggest.” 

Beomgyu blinked up owlishly to Seojkin’s teasing smirk. “The biggest jerk on this side of the rendezvous point, really” Seokjin sighed. “Whatever am I going to do -”

Beomgyu jammed his elbow into Seokjin’s ribs “Ok ok, I get it, I’m sorry, Lieutenant.” Seokjin just grinned.

“You mean it?” 

Beomgyu just nodded, slow on the uptake.

Seokjin beamed. “Well, in that case, you’re right on time to join us! I just came back in here to change into some more comfortable clothing. You can make it up to me by playing volleyball with the guys and me. We need another player to even out the teams. 

Beomgyu blinked a few more times. Seokjin grinned even wider, “Great! You look fine like that. Let me just get my boots on, and we’ll go out and play. I set it up, cause we all definitely need some time to decompress.”

Beomgyu just sighed as Seokjin laughed. It was going to be a long day. Welp. He supposed he deserved it.

* * *

  
  


Ten minutes later found Beomgyu and Seokjin arriving at the impromptu net that had been set up. Two men stood on opposite sides, passing the ball to one another. Once Beomgyu caught sight of exactly who those men were, he slowed to an abrupt halt. Seokjin turned to him in confusion. “What’s wrong?”  
  
“...Yeonjun…”

Seokjin scrunched his eyes. “Yeah, and? Jaemin is here too, let’s go,” he said, dragging Beomgyu along by the wrist. A long day indeed. 

To his utter surprise, Yeonjun did not try to assault Beomgyu the second he arrived, but nodded a casual “sup” at both of them. 

“Still haven’t found Chenle?” Seokjin asked while beginning to stretch.

“No, we don’t know where he went,” Yeonjun said casually.

“He’s probably still...well, upset,” Jaemin said hesitantly, sneaking a glance at Beomgyu. Beomgyu pretended not to notice, deciding to instead devote his attention to the fact that Yeonjun seemed to have completely forgotten the previous day. Maybe he hit his head. Beomgyu supposed he could relate to that, as he warily moved closer to the group.

“I see,” Seokjin said, sighing. “Well, we have even teams now. How are we gonna split up?”

“I’ll pair up with Gyuster here,” Yeonjun said. Beomgyu caught Seokjin rolling his eyes before he found himself flinching as Yeonjun let his arm fall across Beomgyu’s back. “You two future losers can count your blessings now, cause I bet you’ll need them,” Yeonjun grinned playfully. 

“Fat chance Yeonjun,” Seokjin laughed, pulling Jaemin into a quick hug. “You both are going down.”

Beomgyu couldn’t take it anymore. Removing Yeonjun’s arm off his back, he turned to face his squadmate. “You aren’t...aren’t you mad at me?”

Yeonjun squinted. “For what?”

Beomgyu blinked. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately. “For yesterday? I shoved you?”

Yeonjun sighed dramatically. “You dumbass. You know I get angry easily. Not a day goes by where I don’t want to punch a wall or two, but I’m not mad at you or anything. You know I don’t hold grudges.” That was the problem, Beomgyu thought. He didn’t know anything anymore. “Besides, the only ones we need to be mad at is the enemy.” Yeonjun’s eyes looked straight into him. Beomgyu felt his hair prickle, as if Yeonjun’s eyes stared into his very soul. “We’re going to make them pay for all the shit they’ve put us through, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Beomgyu found himself nodding with an uncertain grin. “Yeah we will.”

“Good,” Yeonjun said, clasping his hand with Beomgyu’s. “Now let’s show these two how it’s done.” 

Beomgyu’s hands started to sweat as he realized he had no idea how to play volleyball. He might have once upon a time, but now all he had was muscle memory. “You know, I might not be as good, cause of my accident yesterday.”

“That’s alright,” Yeonjun said. “We’ll take them together.”

And for the first time that day, Beomgyu let himself smile. For real this time.

* * *

  
  


The first hour of play had gone by quickly, and while Beomgyu had no idea what he was doing towards the beginning, he had finally managed to get the hang of it by the end. Setting and serving weren’t too bad once you got the hang of it. 

Yeonjun and Jaemin were absolute beasts at the game, Beomgyu thought. Yeonjun was fire, delivering spike after spike towards the other side. Jaemin was water, with a laid back demeanor, but holding a quiet and steady determination towards achieving victory. 

Seokjin and himself were more the side pieces Beomgyu thought in amusement. It hadn’t taken long for some of the men at camp to take notice of the haphazard game and join in. The atmosphere was light, with the men taking refuge in the carefree spirit of the game. Beomgyu thought to yesterday, to how they were all fighting for their lives in the trenches. It was these little moments, he supposed, that made it all bearable.

One guy, a black-haired, crinkly eyed-guy beside him, was the source of a lot of it. Beomgyu thought he looked rather like a mochi. “Hey Jeno!” the guy shouted to the other side of the net. “I haven’t been winning this easily since Christopher Columbus sailed the ocean blue. I mean, you normally suck, but even ten-year-olds could do better than this!” he finished, walloping the ball over the net.

“Sorry Jimin” Seokjin cut in. “Sometimes we don’t even see the little five foot two piggies like you.” Beomgyu’s jaw fell open.

“Yeah,” another guy (presumably Jeno) smirked. “Makes it a bit hard for us to aim.”

“Yah!” Jimin growled playfully.

“You dweebs are just mad we’re winning 8-4,” Yeonjun laughed, slamming the ball to the other side. “Oh, apologies,” he said, adopting a fake accent. “I meant 9-4.”

Beomgyu laughed and joined in the friendly banter for a few minutes. It was idyllic like this, distractingly so. Beomgyu knew it had to end soon though. He needed time to think. With the burgeoning crowd sweltering, Beomgyu ultimately took the opportunity to escape sometime later. “Hey Jaemin, Yeonjun, Seokjin. I’m heading out!”

“See ya, dude!” Yeonjun called out, while Seokjin waved. Beomgyu was about to leave when Jaemin stopped him by clasping his shoulder. 

“Hey, Beomgyu. I just wanted to let you know I’m here for you, if you needed anything.” 

Beomgyu turned to look at his squadmate, when he drew his breath in shock. Across his left cheek ran a long red cut. It marred Jaemin’s otherwise flawless body. Must have been from the chaos the previous day. “Yeah,” he replied slowly, looking at the way Jaemin’s eyes didn’t seem quite right. “You too, Jaemin.” 

Jaemin smiled back with his signature spotless smile. “Alright. Catch you later.”

Beomgyu shook his head and smiled, leaving the men to their game. 

* * *

  
  


The crunch of golden-red leaves rang out, as Beomgyu climbed a large hill on the outskirts of the rendezvous point. Letting his hands fall into his pockets, Beomgyu fingered the glossy picture of his mystery boy and breathed the cool air in. It was paradoxical. Up here, you could see most of the battlefield: the rendezvous point nearby, and the overrun trenches in the distance. Yet it all seemed so far away, removed. 

Sitting down next to a large oak tree, Beomgyu wrapped his arms around his knees and smiled bittersweetly. 

_“At the end of the maze, at the end of the maze_

_On the other side, on the other side of the mirror_

_Find me please, please Please don’t give up on me…”_

“Huh. I didn’t take you for much of a singer.”

Bolting to the side, Beomgyu whipped his head to see Taehyun, staring pensively at him.

“Where, where’d you come from?” Beomgyu stuttered. 

Taehyun rolled his eyes. “I was always here, on one of the lower branches of the tree. You just didn’t see me.”

Beomgyu sighed exasperatedly. “Well, I didn’t think to look _up_.”

“And that was your mistake,” Taehyun said simply, jumping down from the branches and onto the ground. “I could have been an enemy soldier. Could have shot you, flayed you, killed you, done whatever I pleased.” 

Beomgyu rolled his eyes. He supposed he should feel unsettled. But he just felt vaguely fond as Taehyun made his way to sit beside him. They sat in silence. Taehyun watching the men, all of them looking like ants from the hill, scurrying about their tasks. All the while, Beomgyu looked at the horizon, towards the trenches. He let out a small sigh.

“I was really messed up, back when Renjun died,” Taehyun said suddenly. “We were...I think Renjun was the closest thing I ever had to a real friend.” 

Beomgyu frowned, but kept his eyes focused on the trenches.

“I hated the world. I kinda still do. Renjun was only nineteen...and I still am. Yet some old privileged politicians have us here fighting it out for their egos, for their bank accounts.” Taehyun let out an ugly laugh as Beomgyu faced him.

“Sometimes, sometimes I wonder if there’s any real victory in war. Sometimes, I look out into the distance and only see death. Maybe surviving is the only real prize for regular cannon fodder like us.”

Taehyun broke a branch he had been holding, right down the center. Tossing it in the air, Beomgyu watched it settle a few feet away from them, the bark and the husk lay worn and brittle. “But I’m going to survive,” he said shakily. “After all, I can’t fucking complain about how shit the whole world is if I’m not even here to complain about it” Taehyun let out with a faint grin. Beomgyu let himself mirror it.

“I know you all think it’s some glorious thing to be here. Hell, you and Kai joined illegally for it. For the cause. But I can’t think that anymore. Not after everything I’ve seen, everything that’s happened.” Beomgyu opened his mouth to respond, but Taehyun continued quickly. “Anyways, that isn’t really the point I’m trying to make here. After, after Renjun died...everyone treated me like I was made of glass. Or they were completely tactless about it like Yeonjun.”

Beomgyu drew in a breath. “Is that why you two don’t get along?” he asked softly, thinking back to the incident in the trenches yesterday.

Taehyun snorted. “No. It’s just that a person who has a plethora of brain cells like myself, naturally isn’t going to get along with someone who only possesses half of one,” he said, smirking viciously. Beomgyu let out a small chuckle.

Taehyun kept talking. “Regardless of all that...you and Kai…” Beomgyu stiffened. “You and Kai never did” Taehyun murmured. “You both always were...nice, to me. But always treated me like I was a normal guy. Even when I was at my absolute worst, and the rest of the squad would rather pretend I didn’t exist.”

Beomgyu felt pity towards his squadmate and tried to think of what to say, but failed. He didn’t remember any of this Beomgyu groaned internally as he drew a blank.

“Anyways, I’m shit at this feelings thing, and I’m not going to say I’m here for you or any of that crap...but well...I guess I am,” Taehyun said with a forced smile. Beomgyu thought it was a cute attempt.

“Thank you, Taehyun. Really,” he acknowledged fondly. Moving his arms to wrap Taehyun in a hug, he stopped when Taehyun immediately started squirming.

“Hey hey hey, just cause I opened up a bit doesn’t mean I’m the cutesy type. No hugs!” Taehyun pouted.

Beomgyu just laughed. “Alright, no hugs.” Lowering his arms, he brushed his hands against something hard below Taehyun’s coat. “What’s that?”

“Oh,” Taehyun shrugged. “Just an old journal I found laying around a while ago. Didn’t know what to do with it.” Removing it from under the folds of cloth, Taehyun brought it out into the sunlight. 

The cover shone gold, adorned with a spine of jet black. Beomgyu ran his hands across it. There was something about it…

“You want it?” Taehyun asked. “It’s not like I’m doing anything with it.”

“Sure,” Beomgyu found himself saying, taking the book completely into his own hands.

“It’s halfway written in it by whoever owned it initially” Taehyun bemoaned, “but there’s still the second half you can use...Beomgyu? Are you ok?”

Opened on his lap was the journal. Spiral handwriting adorned the center. And at the bottom, was a familiar signature. 

“Beomgyu? You’re not breathing,” Taehyun said, waving his hand in front of Beomgyu’s face.

“Choi Soobin,” Beomgyu whispered inaudibly. The signature, was Choi Soobin’s.

  
  


* * *

  
  


“Hey, Beomgyu. Breathe,” Taehyun emphasized, placing his hands atop Beomgyu’s shoulders. It was the physical contact that snapped him out of his stupor. 

“Sorry, sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I - it’s pretty. I like it, thanks,” Beomgyu said awkwardly. Taehyun gave him a supremely unconvinced look as Beomgyu secured the journal to his chest. 

Patting Beomgyu’s head uncomfortably, Taehyun looked into the horizon for a minute. Beomgyu knew if it was any other member of the squad, they’d interrogate him. But Taehyun seemed the type of guy who dealt with his demons on his own, and thus would give Beomgyu the same space. He was glad for it. The existence of Soobin seemed...private. 

“Alright,” Taehyun whispered. “If you’re sure.”

“Yeah.”

“Say, I don’t suppose you want me to sharpen up the leather cover a bit before I go?” Taehyun yawned. Glancing up, Beomgyu saw Taehyun fiddling with his knife absentmindedly. 

“Sharpen the -,” Beomgyu began incredulously. “No,” he laughed. “I think it’ll be alright.” 

Taehyun shrugged. “Suit yourself.” Beomgyu smiled at Taehyun’s oddness. But he found himself liking it. He could see why Kai and himself had always treated him well.

“I’ll catch you later, Beomgyu. Speaking of Yeonjun and the rest of them - it’s been too long since I put them in their place. Can’t let their egos get too large, right?”

“Were you the one who laughed yesterday?” Beomgyu asked curiously.

“When you were fighting Seokjin and Yeonjun?” Taehyun asked, letting out a rare chortle. “God, that was glorious. And yes, that was me laughing. “It was refreshing seeing the rest of them run around like headless chickens. At least more than they usually do.”

Beomgyu let out a weak smile. He wasn’t particularly proud of what he’d done himself. “So...I guess you’re not joining their volleyball game, huh?”

“Me joining their little team sport activity?” Taehyun snorted. “Not even if the end of the world was nigh Beomgyu. I think I’ll take a nap. Give myself a break from it all. Have fun!”

Beomgyu waved as his new friend descended down the slope, and then pivoted back to the journal in his hands. Caressing the photo, he withdrew it from his pocket and stared into those honey crescent eyes. His heart began to work every faster as its speed twirled higher. What were the odds? Just who was Choi Soobin?

Beomgyu opened the cover once more. Tracing his hands down the pages, he began to read.

Entry #1:

_Dear Journal,_

 _My name is Choi Soobin. Or Soobin Choi. Or really anything you want to call me._ _I’ve never exactly had a journal, so you’re my first. But since you’re completely_ _unwritten in - I’m your first human, so let’s be friends! I can be forgetful_ _sometimes, so I’m sorry if I’m ever neglectful. Still - I think we’ll make a great_ _pair. Anyways, a little about me should be a good introduction, right? I’m_ _eighteen and live with my mom, dad, older brother, and older sister. And also my_ _dog Sean, but I don’t think you’d like him too much. He has an annoying habit of_ _ripping paper to shreds on semi-rare occasions. We’d hoped he would have grown_ _out of it by now, but it just seems to be a passion. Regardless, I’ll keep you safe. I_ _go to the local high school, but I'm a senior, so I’ll be graduating soon. It’s_ _d_ _isconcerting...having such a structured existence all my life, but then having it_ _replaced by true adulthood once I leave for university._

_Originally, I wanted to study the classics, poetry, and novels and the like. I’ve_ _always liked the idea of just sitting on a porch of a nice home, writing a_ _masterpiece while overlooking an endless crystal lake. Just surrounded by trees_ _and a sense of peace. I have to admit, I could never be completely Thoreauesque:_ _I enjoy our modern comforts far too much. But it was always a comforting dream._ _My parents would have none of it though. Instead, for most of high school, they_ _insisted I become a doctor. Nevermind that I don’t care for science or math in any_ _real capacity. It was for the good of me, and for the good of the family. I wore_ _them down though...sort of… Now I’m set to study law instead. Not exactly what I_ _envisioned going to do, but at least it’s not STEM. Props to those who can stomach it, but it’s just not for me._

_With law though, I’ll be able to help people in some capacity too. I think maybe_ _I’ll do a stint as a public defendant for a bit. It’s not glamorous or well paid, but if_ _I can help others who otherwise wouldn’t be able to receive it...I think that kind of_ _impact is what makes life worth living. Anyways I have to go soon. My older sister_ _is making me go shopping with her. Good lord. I don’t mind shopping for myself,_ _but it’s boring waiting for others for hours. I’ll see you later,_

_Yours,_

_Choi Soobin_

It was thrilling. Exciting. Nerve-wracking? Beomgyu never thought he’d be reading the thoughts of the guy in the photo. And now he was just...here. Almost accessible. Moving onto the next few entries, he wondered where Soobin was now. 

Entry #4:

_Dear Journal,_

_Summer’s finally come. It seemed so far away a few months ago, but it’s finally_ _here. A bunch of my friends and I had a massive graduation party. Well, by_ _massive I mean like twenty-five, thirty people, but for us that’s pretty good! None_ _of us are exactly what anyone would call the best dancers, but I think jumping up_ _and down and flailing like a fish is just as much, if not more fun. I probably_ _haven’t smiled as much in a long time. The whole thing was just one of those_ _ephemeral, joyous moments in life that you want to grab onto and store forever._

 _Jieun and Jungkook got hitched, which is kinda insane. I had no idea when I was_ _holding onto her elbow and talking until Jungkook tackled me into the pool. Jieun_ _had to scream that I was into boys for him to let up. It’s alright though. I got him_ _back by slamming the mint-chocolate cake into his face. It was hilarious until I_ _realized he was actually eating the damn thing. Who actually likes_ _mint-chocolate? He’s a weird dude._

 _Speaking of food, there was so much. It was heaven, truly. Cake, ice cream, and_ _most of all bread. Haechan asked me which one I liked more, and I said definitely_ _bread. Ice cream is close, but it still hasn’t surpassed yet._

 _I don’t know who else to admit this to, journal, but I never had the highest_ _confidence about my looks before. But over the last year, that’s kind of changed._ _I’m taller now, and lost a lot of baby fat. Peter gave me this brown cap I wore_ _during the party, and three people complimented me! I know it seems kinda silly_ _but, it does really help my self-esteem. Guys usually don’t give each other many_ _compliments so… I think I’ll paint two lines on the cap, for decoration maybe._ _Remember that._

 _Now that high school’s over, we’ll be going to college soon! I’m so excited. What_ _do you think campus will be like? Anyways, I’m stuffed and tired after today, so I_ _guess I’ll end it here._

_Choi Soobin_

“I was into boys.” Beomgyu found himself unreasonably giddy at the statement. It’s not like he’d ever meet Soobin, so why was he getting worked up over it? Looking at the amassed armies below, Beomgyu decided to shove the realistic gnawing thoughts away. If thinking of Soobin made him happy, he’d damn well take it. Besides, he was grinning like a maniac. And it felt good. 

An hour later, Beomgyu decided to head back to the rendezvous point. Nose in the journal, he didn’t let his meandering distract him from his prize.

Entry #11:

_Dear Journal,_

 _It’s pretty crazy being away from home for the first time, well, ever. Sometimes I_ _think I’m still the same person. I still love bread. I still love reading into the early_ _morning hours and hate waking up before eleven. I still love blasting music and_ _singing along until my heart bursts._

 _But I’m different now too. I used to hate studying, but school’s kinda just...clicked_ _now. I’m serious about it now, and just spend a lot more time studying. And what_ _do you know, As and Bs are pretty common place for me now!_

 _I was really worried before coming here, that I wouldn’t be able to make friends._ _But I feel like everyone had that fear, and we all ended up bonding so as not to_ _feel lonely. Namjoon and Himaja are super different, but they’ve become close_ _friends to me here. Namjoon loves music as well. The difference is, he actively_ _makes his own! Sometimes I sit by the practice room and just listen to him_ _generate new songs. I almost envy him for being able to create something so_ _beautiful. Not to mention he’s super smart. He’s been helping me along in calculus_ _class. I never thought I’d be stuck taking it, but it’s unfortunately a requirement._

 _Himaja on the other hand, is an absolute legend. She has three majors, and still_ _somehow manages to have time to hold leadership positions in on-campus_ _organizations. Sometimes I joke to her that she’s one of those people you’d see in_ _the news. The overachieving superstars that go out and piously help the_ _underprivileged in foreign nations. Science is what she helps me with. Another_ _subject that would be going over my head without help. Sometimes I think my_ _choice of friends is what’s pushed me to do better myself. Either way, I’m_ _thankful._

 _I have to admit something though. I’m terrified. The atmosphere on campus_ _is...nervous, but detached? If that makes any sense. Every day news from the War_ _pours in. And it’s bad. It seems to get worse by the day. Our nation isn’t involved,_ _thankfully. But how long can it stay that way? The politicians in the capital say_ _time and time again that they won’t send our boys to war. Yet I can’t help but feel_ _those are empty promises. Imagine me in a war zone though? Maybe I can fail out_ _of boot camp. I do hate exercising, after all._

 _The War is this foreign thing for us, something everyone talks about every other_ _conversation, but something in our hearts we hope will never reach us. Wishing_ _for safety, your friend,_

_Choi Soobin_

“Yo, Beomgyu!” Rocked out of the sanctuary of the journal, Beomgyu snapped it shut before facing the familiar voice.

“Seokjin called for all of us,” Yeonjun hollered. “It looks like it’s something big.”

“Yeah, alright,” Beomgyu said, stumbling after his uproarious squadmate. But his mind was still on the journal. Soobin had mentioned the War. Did that mean...perhaps he was here. Somewhere in the field of battle. Beomgyu found his stuff after all, so was he at the rendezvous point? Energized by this thought, he ran to catch up to Yeonjun, jogging side by side to the others. 

“Ah, Yeonjun, you found Beomgyu. Good, we need to talk,” Seokjin started.

“Are you going to tell us what this is about now, Seokjin?” Jaemin smiled. 

Beomgyu looked around to each of his friends. Even Chenle was gathered. Beomgyu wondered where he’d disappeared to today. 

“Yup. Listen up everyone. Apparently, our squad has impressed the higher-ups. The Major came to deliver the news to me himself.”

Beomgyu frowned, but Chenle beat him to it, “The distasteful miscreant from yesterday?”

Yeonjun scrunched his nose, “the what?”

Seokjin pushed forward. “Anyways, it’s big news.” Taking a deep breath, he unfolded a piece of paper from an envelope. “We have been assigned a mission. And the mission our squad has been given is so important, that if all goes right, we could save our country.”

A stunned silence enveloped. Seokjin turned to look every squad member in the eye.

“We could end this war.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading. It took me a solid seven months to do chapter one, and two weeks to do chapter two. That newfound motivation was entirely driven by your comments and kudos, so thanks again. 
> 
> What started as an anticipated 5,000 word one shot has now turned into 12,000+ word 2 chapter fic so far, and as you all might be able to see, there are now four planned chapters instead of three as before, so we'll see where this journey takes as.
> 
> Again, thank you for your support. It really does mean a lot.


	3. Intrigue

The stillness stretched on for several seconds.

“Hell yeah!” Yeonjun whooped, stunning them out of their reverie. “Finally! We can bash those enemy skulls and win us this war!”

Beomgyu couldn’t believe it. A chance to end this war. A chance to leave the battlefield, for good. Laughs of disbelief and hope rang out throughout the squad.

“Are you...you’re certain?” Chenle asked. Even Taehyun seemed small in the midst of the uncertain hope.

“Yes,” Seokjin grinned with bravado. “We have a chance of finally doing this. I have the plans of how we’re going to proceed, so I need you all to listen up. This is a mission of infiltration!”

“So, you mean we’re just sneaking around?” Yeonjun asked, enthusiasm dropping.

“Considering we’ve been pushed to the brink and even the trenches have been overrun, yes, we have to sneak around you pompous ill-nurtured fleabag,” Taehyun spoke up, with more zeal than Beomgyu had ever seen him with.

Seokjin rubbed his forehead.

“Shut up, asshole. Or maybe the enemy finally will shut you up on this mission, permanently,” Yeonjun snarled.

Chenle and Beomgyu gravitated away from the firing zone, while Jaemin stepped right in to mediate. “Guys, stop. Let’s just, hear what Seokjin has to say. If we don’t do this, we might all die. I’ve always been alright with that. If it’s my time, it’s my time. But that doesn’t mean we can afford division and accelerate that moment.”

Chenle whistled. “Well, that’s a first.”

“Thank you, Jaemin. Now, if there are no more interruptions,” Seokjin continued testily. “I’ll describe the plan. As I said, it’s an infiltration mission. And it’s not an easy one. We,” Seokjin took out a map and pointed at a location. “Are going here.”

Chenle’s breath caught, and Taehyun frowned. “That’s far behind enemy lines,” Taehyun commented, more subdued.

“Precisely. Nothing worth doing is ever easy. And this is well worth doing,” Seokjin said forcefully. This location is the home of Hardstone Fortress. It’s one of the closest major command centers that the enemy has to us. More importantly - it has central databanks. Data on every artillery, air unit, and other technological marvels the enemy has produced. If we can get to it, and produce a copy of the information and transmit it back to our side…”

“We can reverse engineer it and find their weaknesses…” Beomgyu found himself saying.

“Not only that,” Seokjin smiled. “But we can steal their plans. When and how they plan to attack. What their strategies and tactics are.”

Yeonjun scratched his head. “But why would they just...leave it all there for us to take?”

“The enemy never anticipated we would be able to get so deep into their territory,” Chenle replied, stunned.

Seokjin nodded. “The enemy never dreamed we’d try to assault such a fortified place anyways. It’s located by the ocean, but instead of being right on the beach, it’s a bit further inland on a mountain. It’s thought to be impenetrable.”

Even Jaemin wavered. “Well then...how are we getting in, Lieutenant?”

“Glad you asked! It took a lot of work from everyone, but essentially, disguises and inside help. The inside help we’ll discuss tomorrow, but for now, disguises!”

Beomgyu followed Seokjin towards a large table in the distance and allowed himself to feel wistful. Kai would have liked this part.

* * *

Beomgyu looked down at his body while several tailors shuffled about, debating measurements and the trims of the cloth. It didn’t bother him precisely, but that’s because with his memory loss, the uniform style and color were rather meaningless to him. But he could tell by the awkward discomfort in even Jaemin’s demeanor that he was alone in this.

“I feel like a traitor,” Yeonjun huffed as he was shuffled into a new undershirt.

“I’m not quite sure if blue is my color,” Chenle sniffed primly.

Seokjin sighed. “Just hold your nose and know it’s for the cause,” as he fastened his buttons. “After all, if everything goes according to plan, we won’t have to see these uniforms anymore. On ourselves or the battlefield.”

Beomgyu lifted his arms as the tailor placed the last of the new uniform upon him. It was more fashionable than his current one. But certainly stuffier. More rigid. Straightening up, Beomgyu looked at a nearby mirror the tailors had brought outside. He wondered if he’d be able to fool the enemy. He still didn’t even know why the War was being fought after all. In the end, he shrugged. Beomgyu figured if he still had his squad in the dark about the extent of his memory issues, he could somehow fool the enemy about which side he was on too.

Sitting off to the side while awaiting the rest of his squadmates, Beomgyu chanced a glance at the rest of camp. He wondered if anyone was still playing volleyball by the field. Instead, what he saw was a dozen men carrying what seemed to be supplies on long beds. Yet their somber expressions had Beomgyu inspecting their cargo closer. Bodies. It wasn’t supplies at all. What if...Beomgyu squashed the thought, and turned his attention elsewhere. This is what he was fighting for. This is why he had to succeed. There couldn’t be any more bodies. Any more people lost.

Seokjin’s jolly tone brought his attention back to the here and now. “Alright, everyone! Now comes the fun part.” Walking up to a table covered in cloth, Seokjin ripped the cover off dramatically.

“Helmets?” Beomgyu asked, looking at the six pieces of headgear.

“Yup! One for each of us. The enemy has a custom, and it’s for each solider to decorate their helmets. It could be anything. But it has to be something meaningful to them,” Seokjin smiled. “So that’s what we’ll be doing this afternoon, painting!”

“Yay…” Taehyun let out.

“Well, I, for one, think it sounds fun,” Jaemin said with an easy twinkle while heading over to the supplies.

“That’s the spirit, Jaemin! Everyone grab a helmet, spread out, and then start decorating!”

“Is there anything vital to avoid though,” Chenle questioned. “Subjects we should not draw?

“Eh...probably avoid drawing anything relating to our country or anything. None of our flags, or landscapes of our cities or things like that. That’d defeat the purpose,” Seokjn mussed. “But to be honest, our superiors don’t know all the details of how exactly they decide to decorate their helmets, other than it’s something personalized. So just try your best.”

Examining his helmet in his hands, Beomgyu ran his fingers along the white, shiny surface. He found himself liking the concept. The helmets would be like...an imprint of him. Beomgyu only really had twenty-four hours of memories to go on, but that just made every minute of them matter more. It didn’t take long for him to opt for an idea. Setting it down on a nearby table with paint supplies, Beomgyu got to work.

Shaking a tan spray can, he showered the substance upon the armor. It took a few tries for it to match the shade, but soon enough, he had it. Rummaging through the rest of the cans, he took a golden and green one, and painted a straight line in each color across the circumference of the helmet. It was with shaky hands that he sprayed a whitish gold in eight shapes to complete the look.

Stars. One for each member of his squad. The stripes: gold for the boundless energy and life of Kai. Green for the nurturing, healing, and steadfast nature of Jisung. And the brown well….he held up his picture of Soobin. Now they’d have hats to match, he thought with a grin.

“So,” a voice popped. “What’d you end up doing?”

Beomgyu showcased his work. “Pretty basic design. But it’s me.”

“Hmm. You are pretty basic,” Taehyun teased. Beomgyu elbowed him good-naturedly in the stomach.

“Alright, Mr. Hotshot, what do you got?”

“A design that intrinsically embodies the tragic dichotomy between conflict and peace,” Taehyun preened jokingly. “Da Vinchi only wishes he could match the artistry.”

“Uh, huh,” Beomgyu teased. “You even have knives on your helmet now?”

“Why, of course,” Taehyun said. “All on the right side, while the left is a nice grand hill.” Beomgyu examined it, seeing two figures drawn seated at the top of the hill. Taehyun and...someone else. It wasn’t him.

Beomgyu lamented not remembering what Taehyun’s obsession with knives meant, but smiled and returned the armor. “They’re all the same kind? Kind of knife, I mean,” he fished.

Taehyun’s expression darkened. “Yeah. They are.”

Backtracking, Beomgyu looked around for a subject change. “What do you make of Yeonjun’s design? The uh...fox looks interesting,” he said weakly.

Taehyun turned to look. Yeonjun’s helmet depicted a massive fox at the forefront. Its orange fur contrasted with its dark body in a style that was surprisingly vivid. Surrounded by enemy soldiers, the pair could see the drawn guns trained on the animal. Between the fox’s legs stood a small rabbit, afraid. Central was the fox’s jaws, dripping with the oozing blood of a soldier it had mauled. Beomgyu and Taehyun grimaced.

“Interesting isn’t the word I’d use. Maybe grotesque. Surprised, he had the imagination to not simply draw a machine gun and call it a day.” Taehyun shrugged cavalierly. “I guess brain cells can regrow in people from time to time, after all.”

“Be nice,” Beomgyu huffed good-naturedly, giving Taehyun a shove with his elbow. Raising a brow, Taehyun shoved back before an all-out war ensued. But Taehyun shoved hard. Looking at Taehyun’s muscles nervously, Beomgyu let out a squeal and broke out into a run before Taehyun could retaliate against Beomgyu’s latest shove.

“Well, I’m glad you two are having fun. Taehyun, I haven’t seen you this happy in a long while,” Jaemin smiled, twirling his helmet in his hands.

Taehyun slowed to a stop, his expression closing off.

Beomgyu opted to ignore it. “Jaemin...you haven’t done anything to it,” he stated in confusion.

“I know. I like it that way.” Jaemin set it down. “Clean and spotless. It’ll be fine. They’ll just think I’m a shiny,” he reckoned. “A nice, newly minted soldier.”

Beomgyu remained skeptical. What would a newly minted soldier be doing at an important base like Hardstone Fortress? Maybe the enemy just did things that way. “As long as Seokjin says it’s ok…”

“He did. As long as none of you follow my lead in leaving it blank, we should be fine. I’ll be the rookie you all are training. Anyways, we best be getting off to bed. Seokjin said we’re meeting the ‘inside help,’” Jaemin said, holding up his fingers in air quotes, “tomorrow morning. We’ll be off that very same afternoon. No time to train us in the enemy way, unfortunately. Just gotta go with the flow and wing it.”

Beomgyu’s face soured. Things seemed to be moving quickly again. He thought back to yesterday. It hadn’t gone well then. He could only hope tomorrow would be different.

* * *

Beomgyu was dragged out of bed the next morning by a worried-looking Chenle. “I swear. The ‘inside help’ are the most fearsome tyrants on this side of the war Beomgyu. Seokjin said we need to be out there in 10 minutes, and unless you want to be ground into the dirt, you better hurry up.”

It was a bleary-eyed Beomgyu that finally arrived at the designated field.

“Ah. There you are, Choi Beomgyu, is it?” Beomgyu startled, rubbed his eyes, and looked into the helmet ahead. Unlike the helmets they had painted yesterday, this one had a visor that obscured the entire face. The man hit a button, and the visor lifted.

“Yes, sir,” Beomgyu blinked and stood at attention. The man’s handsome chocolate-colored eyes and windswept hair contrasted with his overall presence of authority. And Beomgyu had no doubt he had that in spades. His blackened elite armor and presence shone.

“Good. My name is Kim Taehyung. But you will refer to me as Agent V. Agent Halle, and I will be leading you boys into the depths of enemy territory, and if you wish to survive, you must heed our every order. Understood?”

“Yes, sir!” came the chorus of voices.

“While we wait for Agent Halle to secure our transportation for you miserable lot, Choi Beomgyu! You arrived one minute and twenty-seven seconds late.” Beomgyu shifted nervously. “That kind of inopportune timing could get us killed out there,” Taehyung squinted his eyes and lowered his voice. “Or worse…”

“As a consequence, you will all be performing twenty-seven push-ups and will be running a lap around the entire rendezvous point. Failure or success, it all depends on teamwork. If you don’t make it back in half an hour, you’re staying behind.” Beomgyu could feel the death glares his squadmates sent him. “Time starts...now!”

Dropping on all fours, Beomgyu started the arduous task. He took a peek at his squadmates and instantly regretted it. Yeonjun looked a mix of elated at getting to show off his effortless physical prowess, and angry at being forced to do it at Beomgyu’s tardiness. Chenle was making cutting motions for a few seconds across his neck, while Taehyun was glancing meaningfully between his knife and Beomgyu’s own throat. He winced.

On the bright side, Seokjin only looked mildly disgruntled, while Jaemin looked entirely unbothered. Positives, Beomgyu thought nervously. Let’s focus on that.

Only a minute later, Yeonjun stood up, stretched, and quickly made way for the perimeter. And that’s when the stroke of genius hit Beomgyu. If he just did his push-ups slower, the rest of them would be forced to go before him and wouldn’t be able to confront him about this mess. Plan in mind, he subtly slowed his pace.

To Beomgyu’s horror, sans Seokjin, so did everyone else less than a few seconds later. Mutely, he watched as Jaemin, Taehyun, and Chenle slowed their speeds and creaked along. Seeing that Agent V was less than impressed, Beomgyu resumed a normal pace before standing up himself.

“Off you go, get moving!” Yelled the agent, as Beomgyu and the others commenced their run.

Moving as fast as he could from his impending doom, Beomgyu found a surprising savior in the form of Jaemin. “Hey, Beomgyu, wait up!”

“Jaemin if you’re gonna -”

“Unlike the other two, I’m not looking at shoving you off the nearest cliffside,” Jaemin chuckled, briefly throwing an arm across Beomgyu’s back as they ran. “Though you might want to thank me considering those two seem to be concocting some sort of conspiracy.”

Throwing a look back, Beomgyu could see Taehyun and Chenle running together and looking meaningfully towards him. Beomgyu drifted a bit closer to Jaemin.

“I didn’t think we’d be...made to do this,” Beomgyu groaned. “I didn’t even mean to be late!”

Jaemin let out a laugh. “Beomgyu, dude, it’s totally fine. We would have had to do this anyway, even if you weren’t late. Taehyung just wants us to do something while we wait for the transport. What better way to distract the troops from their anxieties than do something physically demanding like this?”

Shocked at Jaemin’s sudden insight, Beomgyu let his opinion of his personable squadmate increase a few notches. “So...you won’t totally hate me for the rest of the day?” Beomgyu asked, hopefully.

“Course not Beomgyu. The rest of them are just being dramatic. You’ve always been one of the best of us. However, for team cohesion and all, I’m gonna have to let you deal with this on your own.”

“What do you mean?” Beomgyu asked in a strained voice. “What do you mean on -”

“Bye, Gyu!” Jaemin cackled and picked up the pace.

“Hey! Hey, wait!” Beomgyu yelled, cursing Jaemin’s muscled calves for giving him such an advantage in speed. “You can’t leave me with them!”

Beomgyu let out a string of curses as he slowed down to catch his breath. Damn that Jaemin -

“And why ever not?” Chenle’s smug voice rang out to his left.

“Argh!” Beomgyu said, jumping. “I mean, hey Chenle, how’s it going?”

Chenle just smirked. Beomgyu’s suspicions were confirmed when he felt a sudden pressure on his neck, wrapping him into a headlock from behind. “Oh, Beomgyu, you really had hoped you’d get away, huh.”

Beomgyu struggled as he felt Chenle lightly drive his fist across his head into a noogie. All the while, he cackled in a high pitched dolphin laugh. Beomgyu groaned.

“Did you see yourself? You were running like Taehyun was going to gut you with one of those knives!” Chenle chortled.

“I still might,” Taehyun shrugged.

Beomgyu just scowled. “You all can let me go now...please?”  
“We do have to get back soon,” Chenle gave a fake sigh. “I guess we could let you go this once.”

Rightening himself, Beomgyu straightened his hair with a huff. “Kids these days.”

“We’re both older than you,” Taehyun deadpanned. “I’m nineteen, and Chenle is twenty.”

“Nine and ten more like,” Beomgyu mumbled before being cuffed on the head.

* * *

The trio was unsurprisingly the last group to return, though they did so with two minutes to spare.

“How’s it feel to be early, for once, Choi?” Agent V had yelled.

Yet he was saved from having to make a response by the growl of an engine, as a large lorry descended into camp with a whistle.

As they hopped out of the driver’s seat, Beomgyu watched the shorter figure approach them. The person was dressed in the same polished black armor Agent V wore, only this one seemed even better made. Raising the visor, the squad came face to face with the only woman they had likely seen in the past few months.

“Gentlemen, I am Agent Halle. I am supervising all operations on this mission, and will be working with Agent V to make sure you all successfully complete your mission,” she smiled. “And hopefully, make it out alive.”

* * *

Beomgyu sat at the campfire that the squad had created after settling in for the night, hugging himself to remain warm in his new, blue uniform. It had been an excruciatingly long day, fraught with avoiding enemy patrols, aircraft, and mines. Miraculously, they had done it: survived the day. Hardstone Fortress was only a few short hours away, according to Agent V.

The squad was interested in knowing the agent’s roles, and in the interest of safety - they indulged them. “We’re double spies,” Agent Halle had said. “We were born and bred on enemy territory, but lost faith in their cause entirely. Now we work with your government. Unfortunately, we can’t do this alone. We’re too well monitored while inside the fortress, and have been unable to recruit any other inside help.”

“Hence, why we need you all,” V had cut in. “The enemy doesn’t know you all exist, and thus you won’t be expected to check-in at regular intervals, and hopefully won’t be as closely monitored. We’ll provide support to help get you in and out.”

“Here are the coms you’ll need to stay in touch with us,” Agent Halle had explained, handing out communication devices to each member. They appear to be average watches, but in reality, they can communicate with any other of their kind in the area. Unless they’re met with interference, they should work to help keep us in touch. Don’t lose them.”

Overwhelmed, Beomgyu had just nodded and accepted it all. He prayed that tomorrow went well. For everyone’s sake. Soon, eager to take his mind off the present, Beomgyu opened up his one escape once more.

**Entry #15**  
_Dear Journal,_  
_War has finally reached our shores. It appears our fair nation will no longer lay immune to the devastation that has afflicted our neighbors for the last several months. My older brother...my older brother, has already been drafted. He’s only a year older than me, and he’s off to serve. We could all see the looming fog of war approaching, but I don’t think any of us truly internalized that it would affect us personally._

_I miss him. I’ve never been very religious, but I find myself praying for his safety every day. It’s just...indescribable how helpless I feel. He could be killed at any moment, and there’s nothing any of us could do to help. It’s humbling._

_Campus feels a lot emptier, with many of the students gone. There are rumors they’ll close it down, but I’m not sure. Frankly, I’m more worried I’ll be drafted myself beforehand. I find myself missing the carefree times of months past, but I don’t know if anything will ever be the same again. War has a way of changing things permanently, though which way I cannot yet tell._

_I haven’t even been drafted, but I feel I’ve aged ten years with worry._  
_I’ll write again soon,_  
_Choi Soobin_

**Entry #18**  
_Dear Journal,_  
_Yesterday marked the final day of bootcamp. I am officially a soldier ready to fight for our great country. To be frank, bootcamp sucked. Exercising, moving, going on a diet, etc. are all things that disagree with me. But here it is non-stop running, non-stop training, and one must eat the food put in front of them. I never thought I had been made for a soldier’s life, but I suppose here I am._

_I received a letter from my brother congratulating me, and I get to see my parents and sister tomorrow before I’m sent off. I haven’t seen them in weeks, so I’m excited. Yet, at the same time, despondent, it will be the last time for a long while. I suppose I can find comfort in the fact that I’m going to war to protect them. Family has always been the most important to me._

_Is it bad that what I’m worried about now is making friends? Will I get along with my squadron? My superiors? I’m going off to a lethal exercise, and here I am, worrying about comradeship. Thankfully though, I’m allowed to bring you, Journal. You’ll be my one sure companion during these times._

_I really do hope someone’s watching over us, though. I want us to win this war, because it’s righteous, and I want everyone I love to survive. Is that too much to hope for? Victory, without the price._  
_Yours truly,_  
_Choi Soobin_

Beomgyu’s hands trembled as he finished the entry. So Soobin was here. Soobin was in this war before he lost his journal. The fire had lowered as the night wore on, and most had retired for the night. Beomgyu told himself just two more entries.

**Entry #20**  
_Dear Journal,_  
_You’ll be happy to know I have been able to make friends after all! Yoongi and Taeil have been close friends in my squad, and I’m glad to have them. It makes everything a lot more bearable. So far, we haven’t engaged in much combat, nor have we lost anyone in the squad thankfully. I’ve shot at people, but never actually shot them. Does this make me a bad soldier? Especially since I’m glad I never had to kill yet…_

_On another note, I’ve decided I’m going to leave you half-empty, Journal. You may be asking why. It’s simple. All this experience of war has left me craving a more carefree time. And every time I’m sent on patrol and am doing nothing but stare at a bunch of grass, I fantasize a lot. So as for the empty half - I leave it to my future soulmate. That way, you’ll be a journal to both of us. They can write all their experiences after mine. You’ll be the thing that completes the two of us. I wonder when I’ll meet them...if I can ever get out of here to meet them. If I could cut to the orgastic green future to see them, I would._

_Journal. I watched someone die the other day. I’m sorry I seem all over the place with my emotions. But I am. I just...they were from another squad. And we were on patrol...I watched them die. I watched them bleed out. I closed their eyes. They were shot down like they were an animal on a hunting trip. Every one of us is the prey here. Everyone._

_I don’t think anyone tells you what it’s really like. Or can prepare you even if they did. How can you prepare to watch the very breath of another go out like a desperate whimper? We as humans all reach out for life...and here we are denying each other the chance at it._

_I miss home._

_I miss...I miss the Choi Soobin I used to be._

_Choi Soobin_

Beomgyu shivered as he laid down on his blankets. He didn’t sleep well that night.

* * *

“Beomgyu, catch!”

Startling towards the voice, Beomgyu instinctively held his arms out to catch the incoming device. He held it away from his body, nervously.

“Secure it, Choi! You’re not even holding it properly. You act as if you’ve never held a gun before!” Agent V shouted.

Beomgyu sighed internally. Therein lay the problem, he didn’t know how to hold a gun. At least, he hadn’t used one since he lost his memory. He fingered the automatic weapon with a healthy degree of caution. This was war, Beomgyu reminded himself. He had to get used to handling a weapon at some point. Though learning on the fly during a critical mission didn’t seem to be the ideal place to do so.

“Look,” came the sudden voice from beside him. Beomgyu cursed himself for being so inattentive as he looked to see the agent suddenly standing side-by-side to him. “Just follow the motions, I’ll guide you.”

And he did, Beomgyu reminisced later in surprise. Step by step Agent V explained how to replenish the ammunition, how to hold the weapon, how to aim...Beomgyu thought the whole thing must have taken an hour. He felt terribly guilty and grateful for the entire experience. Not once had the agent lost his patience with him explaining the boot camp level motions to him. Beomgyu’s admiration for the man had surged. He didn’t think the man who had introduced himself as such a terrifying figure had it in him. All until creeping horror replaced it.

“So. Must have been a really hard hit to the head there,” the agent brought up casually.

Eyes wide, Beomgyu turned to face him. “How - how’d you know,” he let out in a stutter.

“I didn’t fully. Until now. Thought you might have been a double agent yourself, working for the enemy towards the beginning, though. I eliminated that possibility after ten or so minutes,” Agent V said with faux-disappointment. “You’re far too clueless in a genuine way for that.”

“Uh...Thanks?” Beomgyu hazarded. He wasn’t sure whether to feel offended or relieved.

“I’m assuming the rest of your squad doesn’t know? Impressive. Must have happened recently, though.”

“Yeah...only our medic knew, but he... he’s gone now.”

Taehyung nodded sympathetically before clapping him on the back. “You’ll do fine, Choi. Just fine.” Beomgyu was left standing there for a minute before running to grab his helmet. The squad was about to head out again. They had a mission to complete.

* * *

“This is our last meet up before we get to our destination,” Agent Halle promulgated grimly. “So we’re going to go over this one last time,” she said, drawing a breath.

“I will be your coordinator. If there’s a locked door or an access hatch you need hidden, contact me. If you’re lost and need to find a way out of there, contact me. Otherwise, I will be hacking into their main systems and wreaking havoc as a distraction.”

“And I will be your other distraction,” Agent V added. “Upon our arrival, I will press upon the leaders there, of vital information that must be delivered to all senior officers. In other words, I’ll have all of the upper echelons of the leadership occupied, leaving the rest of you more able to steal the data we need. Your collective role is to steal the data from the central databanks. You have to go there physically, they’re off the network and cannot be hacked into.”

Taehyun furrowed his brow. “Won’t it be guarded by passwords?”

“Not to mention guards,” Chenle added.

“To get into the system, you’ll need to comm me for help,” Agent Halle affirmed. “Furthermore,” she took several electronic devices out of her pocket. “You’ll need these. If you plug them into their systems, it could help break you in. However, if the enemy discovers them on you, you’re as good as dead. If you feel like you’re about to get caught, discard them.”

After each squadmate had requisitioned one, Yeonjun blinked up. “So about the guards…”

Agent V smiled thinly. “Whatever means necessary.”

Yeonjun gave a smirk. “I think I can work with that.”

* * *

Hardstone Fortress came into sight far before their arrival. Perched atop a plateau, the fortress had the mountains on one side, and the beach and the sea on the other. The towers of the structure soared into the skies itself, and Beomgyu wondered how the squad and the two agents would ever be able to accomplish anything at all.

The stifling, daunting feeling gave way to internal panic and terror when the lorry reached the first checkpoint. His acting skills would help them succeed or get them all killed.

“This is where the fun begins,” Taehyun whispered with a small grin. Beomgyu just stared incredulously until the voices rang out. As only the agents were seated in the front of the lorry, he crossed his fingers that he and his squad members wouldn’t need to be questioned. To his utter surprise, his prayers were answered for once, and the lorry surged forwards passed the checkpoint. Agents V and Halle must be positioned in high places, Beomgyu thought.

“I wish we had one of those pills, that you can take if you get caught,” Chenle shifted.

“Don’t be a coward,” Yeonjun barked in a whisper. Chenle just scowled back.

Seokjin began running his hands on his temples in anticipation of the oncoming argument. But the lorry came to a sudden, crushing, stop. He needn’t have worried, Beomgyu reflected in mild fear. Had they arrived?

The flap at the end of the lorry was raised, and a pair of armed enemy guards looked into the rear lorry, straight at them. Beomgyu straightened his back.

“Are these them?” one of them grunted gruffly. Caught unprepared, the group flailed in silence. Thankfully, they were to be rescued.

“Yes, these are them. My guards who brought us back from our mission, safe and sound,” Agent V’s voice rang out assuredly. They’ll be off duty and on break for the foreseeable future.”

Beomgyu struggled to keep a straight face as their pudgy faces glared suspiciously at them. Eventually, one of them rolled their eyes and closed the flap once more. The inside of the lorry descended into darkness once more.

“Alright. Off you go then,” Beomgyu heard.

“We’re much obliged,” came the responding drawl from Agent V.

The lorry started up again. Beomgyu felt the faint, nauseous fluttering in his stomach fade as the reality of the situation settled more concretely in his brain. When the lorry stopped once more, this time for good, Beomgyu stood up and made his way out into the sunlight. He could do this. He would take the enemy down.

* * *

Beomgyu carried five things in the assortment of pockets his new uniform held. One, Soobin’s photograph. Two, the communication device. Third, the electronic device Agent Halle had given him. Fourth, Soobin’s journal. And finally - his fake identity card. It was this particular object that Beomgyu and the others slipped out as they lined up at the main entrance.

“Slide your cards into the computer,” came the bored tone of the guard. “If it all checks out, you can go in. If not, well, you’ll be executed.”

Beomgyu nictitated. The agents went first, inserting the accessories into the apparatus. Their cards passed through the machine flawlessly. Of course, their ID cards were authentic, Beomgyu thought wistfully.

The trepid footsteps of the squadmates followed. It took less than two minutes for all of them, but it felt like an eternity. Each swipe of a card being a chance at discovery. Beomgyu looked away with a need for distraction but just found more of the grey decor of the enemy fortress, which exemplified the cold, unfeeling, and callous nature of their foe.

“Hold on a minute,” came the interruption. “This card isn’t working.” Beomgyu snapped his head to glance at Seokjin, who had frozen in fear. The snap of the safety’s being removed off guns rang out, as enemy soldiers trained their weapons on their lieutenant.

“Hold on there,” Jaemin calmly asserted. Already having been accepted into the base, Jaemin sauntered back and made a show of grabbing Seokjin’s identity card. “Technology, always malfunctioning at the most inconvenient times,” Beomgyu watched Jaemin blow on it dramatically with his magnetic grin. That’s when it happened. If he hadn’t been looking as closely as he had, Beomgyu would have missed it. With a feint of his hand, Jaemin swapped the ID cards, giving the guard his own once more in place of Seokjin’s. The computer accepted it.

“Ah, see. All is well. I would know, they’re my men, after all,” Agent V echoed.

The guard shrugged carelessly. “As you say.” The weapons were lowered.

As they all finally filed into the fortress, Chenle looked as if he could have sobbed in relief. Beomgyu privately echoed the sentiment. They had made it in. And in the end, not a single alarm had gone off. Perhaps miracles did exist, after all.

Yet looking at the vast array of enemy troops milling about and the assortment of tools they had at their disposal, Taehyun’s whisper of “that was the easy part” seemed inconveniently truthful.

Descending a long platform, they arrived at a central hallway. “This is it,” Agent V said forcefully. “You six know your mission. Find any way to fulfill it that you can. Your country is on the line.”

“Remember, I’ll be in contact with you all through your comms. If you need me, just give me a shout.”

“Good luck,” Seokjin nodded.

“To you six as well,” came the reply. “You’ll be the ones who need it.”

* * *

The six had stuck more or less together, aimlessly walking around the complex.

“It’s a pity there’s no map anywhere or a helpful samaritan we can just ask,” Seokjin had huffed.

“I have no idea how we’re supposed to just find the central databanks at this rate. This fortress is enormous,” Beomgyu breathed.

“We can ask Agent Halle once she gets in position. It’s not the finding, but the getting past the security aspect we need to worry about,” Taehyun replied softly. In the end, he was right. Agent Halle had soon given them detailed instructions on how to arrive. Yet the plethora of guards remained an issue to contend with.

As time passed, to Beomgyu’s surprise, it was Yeonjun whom he had taken to walking side-by-side with. Amusing themselves, with casual shoulder shoves, the two took to roaming the halls, asking vague questions in the hope they could map out how to best approach the restricted areas the databanks were located in.

The spirit of easy comradeship was one Beomgyu found suited him, as they traded lame insults during their investigation.

It wasn’t to last. “Hey, who are they?” Beomgyu frowned, pointing forward. Clad in jumpsuits, the group of people were being pushed across the courtyard, ferried relentlessly.

“Prisoners,” Yeonjun growled with rising anger. “Prisoners. And they’re ours.”

Looking more closely, Beomgyu realized Yeonjun was right. The prisoners were overwhelmingly young men, and from their homeland. The enemy had captured them. A shout cried out from one of the prisoners, drawing their attention.

Pushing a teenager to the floor, a guard stood over him with a smirk. “Whatcha gonna do? Don’t look so tough now, huh?” Raising his foot in the air, the guard slammed it down on the boy’s hand eliciting anguished screams.

“Stop! Let him go! Stop please!” another teenage prisoner pleaded. Beomgyu clenched his jaw when all it resulted in was a slam in the head with the butt of a rifle for the person.

“You are trash, so I don’t know why some of you complain about being treated like it,” another guard taunted, before leaning down. Bringing a metal contraption into the air, he attached it to a prisoner’s fingernails before pulling them back. Beomgyu doubted he heard sounds of angst quite so horrific before.

Yeonjun surged forward. Beomgyu grabbed him back at the last minute. “Let me at them. They’re fucking monsters.”

“They are. And they’ll pay,” Beomgyu said lowly. Hate filled his heart for the first time since his memory loss. True, unbridled hate. “They will.” He paused to quell his anger. They had taken Jisung and Kai from them. They treat their prisoners with sadistic glee... “The best way to do that, to help them, is to complete our mission, Yeonjun.”

Yeonjun paused, before nodding stiffly. He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t have to. Beomgyu thought he understood Yeonjun better now, the anger that drove him. When you see scenes like that...how can one be expected to remain calm?

Moving away from the courtyard, they continued in silence until they found the rest of the squad. Their companions looked just as harrowed Beomgyu noted grimly.

“Any luck?” Seokjin asked.

“I figured out the times the guards change,” Chenle spoke softly. “However, I am still not sure as to what the time with the least amount would be.”

“Wouldn’t it be better if we snuck in somehow, instead of fighting our way in?” Taehyun sighed.

“Well, I’m open to -”

Seokjin was cut off. A rising and suffocating panic replaced it. Red sirens flashed, and the sudden movement of troops burst into view. Above it all, a piercing sound went off in an unsteady, yet unrelenting rhythm. An alarm had gone off.

“Boys. You there?” Agent Halle’s voice crinkled in through the comms. “We’ve been compromised.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here it is! Chapter 3. I hope you all enjoyed it. Thank you so so much again for every comment and kudos, cause they mean a lot. I wish I could give every one of you a hug. ♥


	4. Resolute

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! It's longer than any of the other chapters, so hopefully worth the wait.

“Compromised…” Taehyun started.

“What do you mean compromised?” Chenle shrieked. Beomgyu fidgeted as the alarms continued to blare.

“Is that what the alarms are for?” Seokjin worried.

“Yes.” Agent Halle confirmed. “It seems that the incident with your ID card, Seokjin, was more problematic than we had initially suspected. A report was filed with the security team here at the base. They know we’re in here.”

They all moved to the side of the hallway as another squad of soldiers rushed by. Beomgyu’s stomach felt heavy. “What do we do?” Yeonjun asked.

There was static on the comm for a bit, before she continued. “Well, on the bright side, they don’t know who we are. Not yet, at least. There were dozens of squads who came in this morning, and they haven’t pinpointed the issue as relating to ours yet.”

* * *

“So they don’t know we’re the ones who had the fake ID cards?” Jaemin ventured.

“No. As of now, we’re all safe. I don’t know how long that will last,” Agent Halle warned. “So if you all want to pull out of the mission now, just give the word. I can arrange transport, and we can get you all out of here. By the time they realize exactly who you are, I can have you be long gone.”

Stolen glances were traded. “You likely won’t get another shot to get out of here for a while. It’s now or never,” Agent Halle warned.

“No.” Beomgyu found himself speaking. His squad looked at him in shock. “No. We came here to do a mission. They still have no idea who we are. We have the potential to save our country here, or die trying. But if we go back - we’ll die anyway. This is our one shot. Our one hope, to avenge Kai and Jisung. To end this war for good.”

Silence met him, until a firm hand landed on his shoulder. “I agree,” Yeonjun spoke. “I never liked this whole sneaking about business. Mowing down the enemy, out in the open, with honor, is more my style. But if we can turn this war around from one where we’re losing, to one where we have a chance, I’m in.”

More quick looks were traded between the squadmates. Finally, a consensus was reached. Determination set into each member’s face as the inevitable stared them in the face. They would do this together. He swallowed a lump in his throat. Beomgyu had never felt prouder. “Alright. We’ll stay,” Seokjin said lowly. “We’ll get that data.”

He gave a slight smile. There was still hope. Hope to end this all.

“Of course,” Taehyun started, before he broke apart Beomgyu’s world, “we’ll all have to split up.”

“At this point. It’s the best strategy,” Jaemin agreed. “We need to cover as much space as possible, and be as inconspicuous as possible to get into the databanks. We’ll be less noticeable and be able to cover more ground.”

“Agreed,” Chenle nodded.

“Well, I don’t agree,” Beomgyu bit out. “I don’t agree whatsoever.”

“Now, Beomgyu…” Seokjin said, holding his hands out in an attempt to be placating. Beomgyu didn’t buy it.

“No. I don’t want to hear from you, especially. You told me there would be no more splitting up. Look what happened last time!” Beomgyu’s voice elevated to a yell. “They’re gone!”

“This is the only way,” Seokjin stood his ground firmer.

“We’re wasting time as it is now,” Taehyun sighed.

“Everyone, off you go, and good luck,” Jaemin saluted, before venturing out on his own. One by one, the hallway grew deserted. Seokjin gave a regretful smile before darting into an elevator, leaving only Yeonjun and Beomgyu in the hallway.

Yeonjun looked torn. “Look, Beomgyu. I know shit went down in the past, but we’re not really splitting up. We have our comms this time, yeah? Just comm if something happens.”

“I’m not worried about myself. I’m worried about everyone else.”

Yeonjun gave a weak smile. “Well, you shouldn’t be. We have to trust everyone to get the job done. That’s what being in a team is about.”

Beomgyu felt faint, holding onto the wall for support. “But…Kai…”

Yeonjun’s face went darker. “We have to do this. We’ll get our revenge for them. You can do this. You better do this, Beomgyu. You’re the one who suggested it.” With a final wave, he too disappeared, leaving Beomgyu with nothing but wide, misty eyes and a sea of alarms.

* * *

30 minutes later found Beomgyu meandering the halls uncertainly. Each hallway looked like the last, and all Beomgyu could really do was salute any officers who walked by, and keep a look out for any sign of the room with the databanks. He hadn’t had any luck. The alarms had died down, but Beomgyu held no illusions as to the level of threat. The fortress was still on high alert.

He hoped the rest of the squad was having better luck, but Beomgyu didn’t count on it. Managing to get past the security would be a Herculean task.

Jogging past another officer, he stopped before giving another salute. It was there that his lucky break came. In the officer’s hands lay a data-chip. Beomgyu sucked in a breath. He was likely heading towards the databanks.

Following the officer discreetly, Beomgyu made it his duty to pass as inconspicuously as possible. When he saw the signs ahead, marking the place as a restricted area, he surged forward.

“Sir, sir,” Beomgyu called in a steady, but eager voice. At least he hoped it was steady. Trying to appear as much as he could as a newer, eager to please recruit, Beomgyu smiled. “Would you like me to bring that in for you?” he asked, pointing to the data chip. “With the security alert and the officers meeting up, I assume you’re extremely busy as it is.”

The officer was taken aback, but seemed receptive. Beomgyu tried not to get too hopeful. “Hmm, yes, I suppose I am. Are you in a squad, though? All squads are supposed to be in their stations due to the breach.”

“No-no, sir, it’s just me. I’m designated to work independently. Hopefully, I will join the officers’ ranks soon, sir,” Beomgyu said with another smile. He hadn’t the slightest idea if anything he was saying made sense, but he prayed to every deity out there that it did.

His prayers were ultimately answered. “Alright, then. Guards,” the officer shouted to the men standing in front of the restricted section. Or maybe not. Beomgyu’s face whitened.

“Take this man inside, he’s going to be depositing some things for me,” the officer relayed pleasantly. Beomgyu forced himself to exhale and relax, as the officer dropped the data chip into his hands.

“Right away, sir,” the head guard saluted. “You there,” he gruffed, turning towards Beomgyu, “follow me.”

Giving one last salute to the officer, Beomgyu quickly stalked after the guard, hoping against hope the databanks lied in this sector of the fortress.

* * *

“Here it is,” one of the guards absently waved at the computer terminal. The room had three doors, and was vacant besides the three of them. Perfect. “Just make sure to destroy the data chip after you finish downloading its contents onto the computer terminal.”

“Of course.” Saluting, Beomgyu made his way to the terminal, while the guards exited. This was his chance.

Hands jittery, he managed to slide them over the keys while navigating through the system.

“Alright, computer. If you can just direct me to where they keep all their nice hidden secrets, that’d be great,” Beomgyu muttered. He pulled a lever on the side. Hit keys. Hit more keys. Five minutes later, he came to the grim inevitable realization that this wasn’t going to work.

Beomgyu cursed, throwing the data chip to the floor. “Damn it. It only accepts downloads of information, I can’t access anything from this terminal.” Wiping the growing sweat off his face, he paced nervously.

There had to be another solution, he thought furiously, gazing around the room. Yet the cold silver of the metal walls offered little insight. In his haze, the blood pumping in his head sounded like a stopwatch. There was only so much time left.

Nodding to himself, he opened one of the doors in the room and stepped into the unknown. This was a restricted area. There had to be another terminal in one of these rooms. The databanks had to be here. Beomgyu couldn’t afford otherwise.

It was five minutes before he found another terminal. And this one - was far bigger. Wearing a broad, rather maniacal smile, Beomgyu ran to it, furiously tapping his hands across its keys. The databanks. This had to be it.

Files popped up across the wide screen, and Beomgyu held back the surge of emotion. He could end the war, he could -

“Wait a minute,” he whispered. “None of this is -”

Palming his comm, he called Agent Halle.

“Beomgyu?”

“Agent Halle, I’m at the databanks, but it’s all...boring stuff.”

“I’m sorry the enemies plans are so boring to you Beomgyu, but we need you to -”

“No, that’s not what I mean,” he sighed agitatedly. “I mean, it all seems specific to this base. Things like personnel schedules, guard change times, blah blah blah. Nothing juicy. Nothing about the wider war.”

Static took over for a few seconds. Eventually, Agent Halle’s voice returned. “Beomgyu...I just tracked your location through the comm. You’re not at the databanks.”

Frustration quickly turned to despair. “How - what do -”

Footsteps. Slamming the comm off, Beomgyu tucked it away right as a small group of soldiers made their way into the room. His palms glistened with sweat. Beomgyu sickeningly  
wondered if it was visible just how much of a wreck he felt.

“Hey! What are you doing here? This is a restricted area,” the short, pudgy man growled as he moved forward.

“Uh…” Beomgyu’s mind shut down as his body shook slightly.

Raising his rifle, the soldier now stood only a few feet away from Beomgyu. All he could do was stare back.

“Hey, Connor, lay off on the technician you dolt. You have him terrified,” laughed another guard. Beomgyu’s eyes snapped to him as he moved forward.

“Technician?”

“Of course. Don’t you see the brown helmet? The two lines across it? It’s what technicians wear, you moron.”

Beomgyu’s mind flashed back to yesterday.

“Peter gave me this brown cap I wore”  
“I think I’ll paint two lines on the cap, for decoration maybe. Remember that.”

“Oh...sorry ‘bout that,” the pudgy man laughed, slapping Beomgyu across the back. “Got a bit antsy with these alarms going off. Never know when an enemy could be around the corner!”

“Yeah…” Beomgyu weakly agreed. His body wouldn’t stop minutely trembling.

“Why are you down here, though? It’s the central databanks that need repairing. You should go up to get the officer’s permission for those, we need them up and running” a third guard spoke up.

“Two days ago!” Beomgyu blurted. The other men just stared in confusion. “I mean, two days ago, I was transferred. Here. To Hardstone Fortress.” His mind whirred as it fabricated the lie. “One of my buddies was meant to lead me up to where the officers are meeting, but after the alarms went off, he had to run off. Asked me if I knew where to go, and I just said yes cause I didn’t want to be embarrassed. Guess I ended up in the wrong place, huh?”

There was a pause as the others absorbed the information, before the pudgy guy started speaking again. “I’ll say. Come on. We’ll lead you up there.”

“We will? Aren’t we supposed to be -”

“Come on,” another guard chimed in. “This is more important than whatever we were assigned to do. The databanks have to be fixed.”

“Yeah….alright.”

Beomgyu let himself give a more genuine smile this time. “Thanks guys! I’ll make sure to get on it once you bring me up. Now, show me the way.”

* * *

The clack of boots grew louder the further into the complex Beomgyu was led. Yet he couldn’t help but notice the walls remained unchanged. Identical. Stagnant. Grey.

It was why he was caught off guard when another similar set of doors opened up to reveal a sprawling atrium. Vines hung off the walls in hues of green and dizzying patterns. The visual dichotomy was so stark that it wasn’t until moments later that Beomgyu noticed their audience.

A speaking floor lay straight ahead. Dozens of officers were seated in a semi-circular parliament that enclosed the central speaking area, with the most important officers towards the center front.

Beomgyu’s breath caught as he struggled to maintain his breathing. There was a single man on stage speaking. He recognized the windswept hair immediately. Don’t react, Beomgyu. Don’t react.

“Agent V,” came a wizened voice. “I think we’ve heard enough. Furthermore, there’s a breach in the base, and we must go deal with it promptly.”

“I assure you, I haven’t detailed the most important part yet, sir. Please, if you could just -”

“Ergh,” the pudgy man let out. The sudden affronted hush that came over the collective body was nearly palpable. “We have the technician here sirs,” he let out, this time noticeably squeakier.

Rushing to salute, Beomgyu looked up, only to lock eyes with the agent. He could have sworn Taehyung’s eyes flashed for a second, but it was gone in an instant, replaced with the same cold disdain Beomgyu found mirrored in the officers.

“Leave us,” a raspy voice intoned angrily. With quick steps, the guards turned tail and hurried out the entrance. Beomgyu made to follow.

“Not...you,” a cool, aristocratic voice rang out. Freezing, Beomgyu slowly turned around to see a tall man in his fifties descend from his chair towards him.

Each step was long, calm, and measured. And Beomgyu could feel a hundred eyes staring down at him by the time the officer stood a mere few feet away. Don’t break. Please don’t break.

“Well…?”

“I'm the technician. Here to...repair the databanks, sir.”

“So you are,” came the drawl. “So you are. What is your name, technician?”

“Beomgyu Choi, sir.”

The officer began pacing around him in a slow circle, as if daring Beomgyu to turn and face him. Beomgyu looked forward with every bit of resolution he had.

“An interesting name. How...unique, for a soldier of this country, wouldn’t you say?”

“Of course, sir.” Beomgyu felt the droplets of sweat on his forehead return with a vengeance. “My parents were...creative.”

“Were?”

“Yes, sir. Were.” Beomgyu bit out. It was the first time he really thought back to home. He hadn’t any idea whether or not his parents were alive or not. What they were like. How much they loved him. The emptiness of an absence of memories sunk into him again. His whole world now, was this war.

“Pity.”

Beomgyu fought the urge to scowl. The word had been let out without sincerity, yet without contempt. The sort of easy offhandedness one would comment about the weather. Were the enemy officers this lacking in compassion? Though come to think of it, so were his own country’s.

Stopping in front of him once more, the officer looked squarely down at him. Beomgyu fought the urge to fidget. “You will be able to fix the central databanks, won’t you? It would be a pity to see what would happen if you fail.”

“I will deliver, sir. For country, honor, and duty.”

The officer gave the briefest of smiles, before contemplating him. Beomgyu imagined he was analyzing him, seeing where he fit on the grand chessboard that was this war. The officer undoubtedly envisioned him to be nothing more than another pawn to throw around. Just another disposable soldier, forced to fight in a war that wasn’t his own.

Pulling something out of his pockets, the officer handed over a security chip. “Take this as your credentials to enter the central databanks. Show it to Captain Haechan, who is waiting outside. He shall take you to your destination. We expect a prompt repair.”

“Yes, sir!” Beomgyu saluted.

“You are dismissed,” the officer waved, returning to his seat. With a bow, Beomgyu exited the atrium. He could hear the rising voice of Agent V, struggling to draw their attention to his distractions once more.

“You, are Captain Haechan,” Beomgyu presumed, adopting the same, easy confidence of the officer as a facade.

“And you are?”

Extracting the security chip, Beomgyu held it up to the light. “You are to take me to the central databanks immediately. There’s urgent work to be done.”

Examining it for a few moments, Lieutenant Haechan handed it back to Beomgyu. “Right this way, sir,” he replied, leading the way forward.

Beomgyu hid a smile. He would show the enemy their mistake, for thinking him never even a player.

* * *

The minute the doors slid shut, Beomgyu allowed his emotions to overflow. Staring in front of him were the central databanks. He was here, it was all here. Letting out a choked laugh, Beomgyu grabbed his comm unit and dialed the rest of the squad.

Seokjin answered first. “Hello?”

“Beomgyu! Found something?” Jaemin chimed in.

“Are you alright?” Taehyun worried.

“Yes, it’s me. And yes and yes. Not only did I find something,” Beomgyu crowed, “Standing here in front of me, are the central databanks.”

“Hell yeah!” Yeonjun shouted over the line. “Holy shit, man.”

“That’s amazing,” breathed Seokjin.

“Yeah...now, now we finally have a chance.”

“You have started downloading the data, correct?” Taehyun asked.

Beomgyu’s elation wilted a bit. “Uh...I’ll get on that now.”

“We’re on a time-crunch. Every second -”

“Hey,” Jaemin cut in. “He’s done more than any of us have been able to. But Beomgyu, get on it as fast as you can.”

“Of course. Just...calling to let you all know,” he breathed with a faint smile.

“You’ve done well, Beomgyu,” Seokjin praised. “See, hard part accomplished. Now just get the data, and we can get out of here.”

“Aye aye Lieutenant Seokjin,” he joked, about to cut off the line.

“Wait, where’s Chenle?” Jaemin voiced.

Yeonjun cursed. “Chenle?”

The static response grew more oppressive by the minute.

“Listen...Beomgyu,” Taehyun softly said. “We’ll find Chenle. Don’t worry. Promise. Just...do what you have to do. We’re all counting on you. And I -” he broke off for a few moments. “I believe in you,” he finished strongly.

“Alright,” he whispered shakily, standing up on two feet and shutting off the connection. He can’t….he can’t think about that right now. He has to get the data. It will all be for nothing if he doesn’t. Now to just do the work.

Groaning, he pushed and forced himself into action. Yet the task was daunting. In front of him lay a databank far larger than the others he had seen today. And with size, came complexity. He doubted even Agent Halle would be able to explain this monstrosity of a machine to him.

“I forgot to mention -”

Beomgyu jumped at the sound of the voice and whirled around to face Captain Haechan. “- that the other technicians should be arriving within the next twenty minutes or so. They’ve been sent to...help you along.”

Letting out a grimace which he hoped looked somewhat like a smile, Beomgyu thanked him, before watching the captain walk out the door once more.

“First thing’s first, how do I lock these damn doors,” he muttered anxiously. These extra technicians could side rail and expose everything.

It was two minutes before Beomgyu found the lever that activated the magnetic clamps that sealed the metal doors shut. ‘There,’ Beomgyu thought. Let them try and get through that.

Activating the device once more, he made his overdue call.

“Beomgyu. Do you need help?”

“Agent Halle. I’m here. I’m at the central databanks,” he grinned shakily.

“...just a moment,” was the reply. Beomgyu bit his lip nervously. “Ah. You actually are! That’s great, Beomgyu.”

“Yeah, I -, wait, were you checking my location?”

“Hey, I mean, you got it wrong the first time.”

“...point.”

“Regardless, I assume you need help with the downloading of the information?”

“Exactly. This machine is…” Beomgyu sighed. “I’ve never seen anything so complicated.”

Beomgyu could imagine the agent nodding. “That’s unsurprising. It has to be impressively built to store that quantity of information, and have it available readily for the myriad of systems the enemy operates. I’ll guide you through the process.”

“Alright,” he replied, steeling himself. “I’m ready.”

* * *

Simply accessing the system at a base level was as trying as Beomgyu had sorrowfully anticipated, but it wasn’t until later that he had grown fundamentally confused.

“Beomgyu. I now need you to shut down the system.”

“Shut down the -, no, I’m trying to get on the system,” Beomgyu gripped in frustration. What kind of help was this?

“Precisely,” Agent Halle said impatiently. “And to access it fully, I need you to reboot the machine. So shut down the databanks, and then restart it.”

“Okay, okay. Now what?”

“I want you to log in under the name Mark Lee.”

Beomgyu frowned as he began typing. “Who is Mark Lee?”

The agent let out a laugh with a hint of mirth. “Just a high ranking officer in the enemy ranks. They’ve been annoyingly competent in their duties. If the enemy thinks that Mark Lee accessed these databanks without authorization…”

“They’ll get rid of him.”

“Permanently,” Agent Halle confirmed. Beomgyu whistled as he entered the system with the false identity. It would serve this Mark person right for all the pain he’s caused his nation.

The screen flashed, an array of colors and entries popped up that Beomgyu had never seen on any of the previous machines. He gasped in awe. “I’m in.”

“Perfect. Now, remember the electronic device I gave you before, that you need to plug in to help you hack this thing?”

“Yeah…” Beomgyu said, taking it out of his pocket. “Why’d I even need it anyway?”

“Because Mark Lee’s access codes got us past the bulk of the security features, but we still don’t have full access to the databanks. That device will not only get you through to everything, but let me hack in from here.”

Beomgyu just glanced at it skeptically. There was already so much information flying about the screen, he struggled to comprehend how the enemy could have more.

“So, can I just...plug it in somewhere?”

“I need you to plug it into the red access port. If you plug it in anywhere else, it will set off a security alert. You’ll have this place on a tighter lockdown than it is presently.”

Red access port. Okay, Beomgyu. You got this. Mentally filtering through the massive machinery, he eventually uncovered the access port and slipped in the device with a snapping hiss.

“I got it in!” Beomgyu smiled giddily. “How am I getting the data?”

“A team of hundreds of engineers designed that device you just slipped into the access port, Beomgyu.” He blinked. “Time, effort, blood, sweat, and tears went into it throughout the war effort. It has the additional handy feature that enables us to compress the file sizes. The data will download right onto the same device.”

“Wicked,” Beomgyu susurrated. They were so damn close.

“Just give me a few minutes. I need some time to fully gain access. Once I’m in, I’ll have that data downloaded in no time.”

Beomgyu nodded absently as he let his eyes wander over the gargantuan apparatus. There was finally a chance. A chance to stop the slaughter. To get back at the enemy from ripping Kai and Jisung from them. It would all be ok.

Kai and Jisung.

Beomgyu’s eyes snapped around. The entirety of the enemy’s data was at his fingertips. He thought back to the prisoners he and Yeonjun had witnessed before. If Jisung and Kai survived…

Moving his fingers furiously across the console, Beomgyu perused the databanks, watching for any sign of a prisoner’s log or manifest. If he could just -

He beamed. The widest, wildest grin spread across his face as he opened the document. He had it. Listed alphabetically by first name, was a list of prisoners held not only at Harstone Fortress, but by the enemy as a whole.

“A, B, no no no,” Beomgyu said agitatedly. There was no way to skip to a certain letter. Scrolling down, Beomgyu watched as the list passed over person by person. “D, E…”

By the time he got to G, Beomgyu was nearly vibrating. Almost to J and K.

“H -”

“Beomgyu, you there?”

“Huh, yeah I am, why?” Beomgyu distractedly replied.

“I’m in. I just need you to change the settings on the machine, so I can begin to start downloading the data.”

Beomgyu’s stomach dropped as he watched the H’s near their end.

“Beomgyu, I need you now. We don’t have any time to spare.”

Drawing a breath, Beomgyu shuddered painfully as he exited the prison manifest. He’d look through it after. “Alright,” he said shortly. “I’ll make the changes to the settings.”

“Good,” the agent replied forcefully. “Here’s what needs to happen, first -”

Beomgyu jumped in the air and whirled around at the resounding bang from the other side of the door. The noises reached a crescendo and then leveled off with faint shouting.

“Agent Halle, we have a problem,” Beomgyu swore.

The technicians had arrived. And judging from the power of the bangs, so did the guards.

Agent Halle adopted a more no-nonsense tone than usual. “I assume you locked the doors?” she asked.

“It’s the only thing keeping them back,” Beomgyu affirmed. This mission seemed to get worse by the minute. Looking around, he confirmed the regrettable state of things: there was only one way out, and it was the way he had gone in with the enemy currently on the other side.

“Listen...Beomgyu...I’m going to do everything I can to help get you out. But if you get caught, your nation isn’t getting the data. Just - just give me a second to think…”

Beomgyu braced himself. “Alright,” he acknowledged. He could do this. He had to, he was just so close.

Yet only a minute later, a pop went off maliciously, followed by a distinct, everpresent cackle.

“Agent Halle, I don’t think I have any more seconds,” Beomgyu shouted. He gripped the console to steady himself. “I think they’ve got blow torches. They’re getting in one way or another!”

“Alright, alright,” Agent Halle spoke through the comm with a new tone of uncertainty that did little to calm his nerves. “Here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to broadcast the information out.”

“Broadcast it out?”

“Yes. The signal will relay off my machine here, and we’ll be able to send it out back to the homeland. The enemy will know exactly what we’ve done, but in the chance you’re caught, it won’t matter because the information will have been received already.”

The sinking feeling in Beomgyu grew.

“You will make it out of the fortress though, I promise I’ll do everything I can,” Agent Halle continued. Beomgyu noticed that the screen of the databanks had changed. The agent’s doing no doubt.

“Damn it. Look, Beomgyu, I have to go. Something’s come up.”

“What do you mean you’ve got to go,” he shrieked. “I have people with blowtorches about to tear this place down!”

“I’ve done the hard part, just, figure out how to send the signal!”

“Agent Halle? Halle!” Beomgyu yelled. Yet only static noise and the hum of the torches replied. He wondered if at any moment, from those just beyond his memories, if he had ever felt so alone.

Shouting.

He heard shouting. Shaking off his stupor, Beomgyu raced to follow the agent’s vague instructions. “Send the signal, she says,” he muttered. “I haven’t the slightest idea on how to -”

Beomgyu’s eyes widened as he saw the name of his country’s capital pop up. “She really did do the hard work.” A flurry of clicks and lever pulls later, Beomgyu was hitting the send button. The result was invigorating. A massive bar filled the screen, with a counting percentage. “1% sent.”

“Now I just have to come up with a cover story. One where they won’t kill me on sight. Why did I lock the doors? What can I say…”

Beomgyu looked at how ¾ of the door had already been torched. “Fuck,” he whispered. This wasn’t going to end well.

No other doors, no windows. Just the entrance, the machine, and some giant vents to keep the databanks cool.

Beomgyu’s jaw dropped in realization. “Giant vents to keep the databanks cool here I come.” Falling on his knees, he set to manually unscrewing each bolt. The enemy wasn’t getting him. Not today.

Work finished, he stood up and glanced back at the screen. “7.4% sent.”

“This isn’t moving fast enough,” Beomgyu lamented. The torches started powering off. It was now or never. Taking the safety off his gun for the first time, Beomgyu aimed it straight at the databanks, letting off a round of bullets straight at the machine. The metal tore through the contraption, setting off a small fire and an electrical charge.

“8.2% sent.”

Letting his apprehension towards the gun melt away, he let out a grin. “There,” Beomgyu nodded. “Those blasted technicians won’t be overriding the transfer now!”

Shoving the weapon through the vent, Beomgyu quickly followed, before closing the hatchway behind him. Pushing forwards, he crawled on his knees, away. Before he turned a corner, he could have sworn he heard the thump of the metal door falling in the central control room. Beomgyu crawled faster.

* * *

A minute later, his comm crinkled back to life. “Guys, are you all there?”

“Yes, Agent Halle, I’m here,” Chenle spoke.

“Chenle?” Beomgyu gasped happily into the device.

“You’re alive? Well?” Jaemin added on.

“Yes, I am. Apologies for my lack of a response previously. As it was, I was surrounded by enemy soldiers and was unable to pick up.”

Seokjin let out a relieved sigh. “I’m just glad you’re ok, Chenle.”

“Good news in a sea of bad, unfortunately,” Agent Halle warned. “We’ve been compromised.”

There was a pause.

“Again?” came the chorus of shouts.

“What happened this time?” Yeonjun growled, annoyed.

“Unfortunately, this time it’s much worse.” Agent Halle’s voice wavered almost imperceptibly. “Agent V has been taken. They’ve linked him to our conspiracy. He’s likely being sent to the interrogation chamber as we speak. What’s worse, they have video footage of us now. It’s only a matter of time for the rest of us.”

A pronounced, sobering silence met this announcement.

“Agent Halle,” Seokjin said after a dozen seconds. “I’m deeply sorry for this statement of events. I know both of you were close.”

“It’s what we were trained for, Seokjin. He did his duty.” Beomgyu wondered if she was attempting to comfort them, or ultimately herself. “But now all that’s left to do is to get you out.”

“What about the data?” Taehyun worried. “It’s our mission.”

“Don’t worry. Beomgyu and I have that in progress.” Beomgyu gave a small smile at that. “Now listen up. The sewer system of the fortress leads directly to the coast. I’m going to guide each of you there one by one from your current locations. You need to get in, then follow the tunnels to the exit point by the beach. A boat will be there in about an hour to get you all home. Survive that long. You have to.”

“What about you?” Chenle broke in. “If you’ll be busy guiding us, how will you get out?”

“Don’t worry about me, Chenle,” Agent Halle said wryly. “I haven’t given up on Agent V yet. I’m staying until I can concoct a way to get him out. Besides, I have my own methods of remaining undetected. Jaemin, I’ll start with you first, you’re the closest. As for the rest of you, godspeed. I’ll contact you each individually, shortly.”

* * *

Five minutes later, and Beomgyu had reached the end of the vent. Peeking through the grate, he could see it opened to a long hallway with multiple other ones intersecting. At the end of it, stood another similar grate and ventilation tunnel. Making sure it was empty, he began unscrewing the bolts. He would have to take the risk. He didn’t doubt enemy soldiers had already discovered where he had gone, and if he stayed put, it would only be a matter of time before he was found.

Loosening the last of the screws, Beomgyu pushed the grate off and tumbled out into the hall. The sound of the falling grate having reverberated off the floor. It would be something that he’d soon regret.

“What was that noise?” came a shout from behind. Hands gripping his weapon tightly, Beomgyu raced towards the other grate, footsteps clanging roughly on the grey, metal surface.

“You there!” came the voice. “Stop!”

Beomgyu whirled around to see a guard with a raised rifle. Beomgyu shot first. Releasing the trigger, instinctively, Beomgyu let out a duo of bullets that landed in what looked to be the man’s arm. Nearly dropping the weapon in horror, Beomgyu secured it once more before scrambling up to the vent, forcing it open, and propping it closed behind him.

“I didn’t. It was just on the arm,” Beomgyu mumbled. His breathing began picking up faster than when he was running, as an unfocused look came to dominate his eyes. “I couldn’t have -, he’ll be fine, I -”

The overwhelming sensation of having his throat closing while needing to hurl left Beomgyu disoriented in the vent. It had to have hit his arm. Beomgyu didn’t want to hurt anyone for real, just...stop everything. “I didn’t kill anyone, I didn’t kill him, I -”

“Beomgyu, your turn,” Agent Halle’s voice rang through the comm. The crackle of static resounded. “Beomgyu. Beomgyu, are you alright?”

“Yeah,” he whispered, before repeating it louder. “I just, I just need a second.”

The agent let the silence continue before speaking up. “I have your location here now, Beomgyu. You’re actually not too far from the sewers. Just follow this vent. On the other side, you’ll see an elevator. Take it down. It’s a very old, mechanical elevator, so it will take you a good five minutes to get down all the way. However, once you exit, you’ll be face to face with the sewer entrance. Beomgyu, you’re almost out. Can you do this?”

Beomgyu tried not to let his voice waver. “Yes, sir. I- I’ll do it.”

“Good,” came the reply. “I’ve got to go help Yeonjun. God help me. I’ll contact you all one you reach the shoreline.”

“Good luck,” he answered, shutting off the comm and compelling his body to move forwards once more.

* * *

The elevator felt even slower than Agent Halle had warned. Worse, it seemed perilously rickety and shaky as it descended the depths of the fortress. Beomgyu morbidly wondered what it would take to get the cables to snap. A single, exposed lightbulb basked the area in a warm yellow light that, while comforting, revealed the grime and decay of the structure.

Beomgyu sat down to wait, pulling out the journal onto his lap. Coaxing his back against the metal wall, he opened it.

“It’s the last entry,” he muttered. It seemed profusely wrong that something that had brought him such comfort, would come to an end so soon.

Entry #24

_Dear Journal,_   
_We have been forced to grow accustomed to the grueling reality that is daily life in the trenches. Rations often consist of dried bars or stale bread. It makes you appreciate the simple pleasure that is good food. As we sleep here, in small dugouts crafted into the sides of the dirt mounds, I lose track sometimes. I can’t tell if I’ve come closest to the basest of humanity here, or to the savagery of the animal kingdom. The trappings of modern life are absent, as we stay here in our squads, waiting for life, waiting for death, waiting for an absolution which we don’t know will ever come._

_I miss my dog. My parents. My brother, that’s somewhere out here on a field like me. Sometimes I wonder if this is what life is. Brought up through childhood only to die in another’s war. I never truly really had a chance, you know, to live life the way I wanted, to be an adult. Perhaps we don’t make our destinies as much as fate controls us, after all._

_I pray a lot these days. I have to. Amidst the burning screams, the rotting of flesh, the ring of gunfire and artillery, how else can the soul remain pure? I still haven’t taken a life. I don’t plan to, hopefully. This war might have taken my youth here, but I won’t let it take my innocence._

_As I sit here, with my eyes to the endless expanse of stars, I breathe it. I drink it. I imagine a world out there where there’s a place for me. A place for me to laugh. Hug. Love. A place where I can walk the streets with a sense of purpose. Where I’m building and adding to the world. Not raping it to pieces, bullet by bullet._

_I just hope, at the end of the day, it will be somehow worth it. That my squadmates who’ve died will be able to smile down. In an endless war, where young men like me are statistics written in ink, I’ll remember them, etch them in my heart. Because otherwise, I know we’ll be forgotten, to the ebbs and flow of an unceasing expanse of time._   
_Choi Soobin_

Torn from home and family. Battered on the fields of death. Cannon fodder for the gentry before having their bonds to the Earth snapped, reaching in a final wretched grasp, to touch the hands of God.

The elevator light flickered, as the lift descended further into the earth. One final journey below. Eyes moist, Beomgyu traced the spine of the book before letting it close. A chapter ended.

* * *

Beomgyu would have liked to think that he was mentally prepared for the smell, but that would have been an unmasked lie. The putrid smell could only be compared to a worse cousin of rotting eggs. Draping an arm over his face, he trudged along the path, grateful for the inconsistent lighting. At least he didn’t have to see the specifics of the sludge he was stepping in.

Sometimes he doubted he was even heading in the right direction, for the further he traveled, the darker and less illuminated the tunnel became. Thus, it was understandable he missed the flurry headed his way.

With surprising force, Beomgyu felt a body smash into his side, before shrieking “Hands up!”

Terrified and confused, he rushed to obey while looking for cover. “I’m just a maintenance worker,” he lied. “There’s no need for -”

“Oh,” the voice cut in, shining a beaming flashlight on his face. “It is just you.”

Beomgyu blinked. “Chenle?”

“In the flesh.” Beomgyu could hear the grin. Tucking the flashlight away, Chenle moved closer and dragged Beomgyu forwards once more. “I almost shot you, you know.”

“Thanks,” Beomgyu replied dryly. “Have you heard from anyone else?”

Chenle sighed. “Unfortunately, no. Though I am glad, I ran into you. Being alone in a place like this is...unnerving.”

Beomgyu voiced his agreement. “Where’d you get that flashlight by the way?” he asked after a while. “I never got one of those.”

“Well, I always come prepared, you know,” Chenle sniffed. “Old habits die hard sometimes.” He paused. “However, I never thought I would find myself trudging through sewage when I ran away.”

“Ran away? Ran away from what?”

Chenle hummed. “Well, not run away exactly. My father, as you know, runs the family railroad business. I never have wanted for anything. So when the war came to our shores, he was about to do what any self-respecting member of society did.”

Tilting his head, Beomgyu turned to face him. “And what’s that?”

“Buy me out, of course,” came the reply. “He found some local man whom he’d pay to take my place in battle. Most of my acquaintances from university had done the same already.”

Beomgyu felt anger course through him. “What do you mean, you can just...buy yourself out of the war?”

“Of course, Beomgyu,” Chenle sounded exasperated. “Simply pay any poor chap a bundle of cash, pennies for us really, and they can legally take our place in the draft. No offense, but I am surprised you did not know as much. You and Kai both seemed so young...I had assumed...perhaps your families were not as… well endowed. And thus, you both ended up here.”

“No,” Beomgyu bristled. “We chose to join because it was our duty. We wanted to help.”

“As you say,” Chenle said soothingly. “Though like you, I ended up here.”

Beomgyu felt his anger clear to confusion, and said as much.

“Why? My father was always rather controlling. I am afraid I did not have any feelings of grandeur or duty when I joined, but rather it was an act of rebellion,” Chenle sighed. “I told my father not to bother. That I was going to join the glories of the army, and serve our nation,” he chuckled. “He was furious, but I did so anyway.”

“I -,” Chenle broke off. “I know I sometimes am a pain. Unused to the labors of the everyman. But I do not regret coming. Or joining. Or fighting by your side. Or meeting...or meeting Jisung.”

“And now here we are, saving our nation,” Beomgyu said, sending his companion a smile.

“Yes. Yes indeed we are.”

* * *

Rolling clouds covered the sky in a translucent grey sheet that rumbled past the horizon. As Chenle held his arm out and pulled Beomgyu out of the caverns of sewers, the smell of the nearby sea offered a welcome respite. Smiling, he began to move through the grassy hills. Only a quarter-mile to the beach.

“Hey, you dolts!” came a shout. Beomgyu and Chenle turned to watch Jaemin and Seokjin, running towards them with carefree grins.

“You made it out!” Beomgyu shouted. Heart light, he returned the warm hug from each. Almost there.

“Yup,” Seokjin replied. “I can’t believe it, Agent Halle told us what you did, Beomgyu. Helping transmit all the data. Unbelievable.”

Beomgyu let out an embarrassed grin. “Well. Someone had to do it, after all.”

Jaemin guffawed and cuffed him on the head. “Modesty may be a virtue, but considering what we just went through, live it up! That was incredible.”

About to reply, Beomgyu was cut off by another shout. “Hey! There you all are!”

“Yeonjun!” Jaemin shouted back. “Welcome home!”

Trudging out of another tunnel, Yeonjun gave them all a smile. “Mission’s almost done. Nice going, Gyu.”

“Thanks, Yeonjun.”

“And where’s my welcome?” came a faux annoyed voice.

“Taehyun?” Beomgyu asked.

“Yup. Alive, and well, though covered in sewage.”

Beomgyu laughed and hugged him anyway. “We’re all here. I can’t believe we’re all -”

“See!” laughed Seokjin. “We all made it Beomgyu. We’re safe.”

Walking onto the sandy shore, Beomgyu relaxed, gazing at a shipwrecked boat on the coast, and inhaled the coastal breeze. It felt like a homecoming.

* * *

The moment shattered.

In less than a minute, the moment had irrevocably broken to pieces in the form of a loud roar. “I found them! Commander, the enemy scum are there on the beach dunes!”

“They’re on the beach dunes! Mow them down!”

Collectively gazing in horror, the squad watched soldiers pour out of the sewage tunnels. Squad after squad after squad of enemy soldiers. To Beomgyu, it seemed eternal.

“Get down,” Seokjin let out in a whisper. “GET DOWN BEHIND THE DUNES” he hollered.

Dropping instantly, Beomgyu shuffled behind a dune of sand for cover, training his weapon out towards the enemy waves. In asymmetric movements, they approached, firing off their machine guns towards the squad.

“Agent Halle! Agent Halle!” he heard Chenle screech. In the cacophony of guns firing, he didn’t catch the reply himself. “What do you mean the boat is twenty-five minutes away?! We do not have twenty-five minutes!”

They managed to stay put. Seokjin’s eyes grew hard as he fired. Taehyun cut one down, close range, with his knife. Jaemin soldiered on beside them. But Yeonjun, Yeonjun was their knight in shining armor, Beomgyu thought. Whooping and shooting in brutally effective staccato sequences. Holding the impossible enemy off.

It wasn’t enough. Eventually, it just wasn’t enough. “We’ve got to pull back!” Seokjin cried. “Everyone, get inside that wrecked ship!”

“There are too many of them!”

“Get back, get back!”

Moving into a crouch, Beomgyu swerved in a zig-zag towards the ruined boat. Panting. Beomgyu’s muscles screamed as he ran, his coat flapping in the wind. Then it happened. A few feet from the ship. In the race to salvation, the journal tore from his coat pocket, landing on the waves of sand.

Time slowed. Instinctively angeling himself to retrieve it, Beomgyu instead found himself shoved backward into the shipwreck.

“You stupid idiot, forget the fucking journal and get inside,” Taehyun growled, dragging him further inwards. Disoriented, Beomgyu let it happen.

“Thanks,” he let out after a bit.

“Just don’t do something stupid again,” Taehyun sighed. “It’s already been...it’s already been too much.”

Beomgyu gave a weak grin back.

Gathered in a large area, they quickly secured the entrances. The enemy should be following them any minute now. Except they didn’t. Silence reigned.

“Why aren’t they following us?” Jaemin asked, exhausted in his position.

“We have the advantage of terrain now, and they know they have us trapped. They’ll take care coming in here,” Taehyun said quietly. “They’ll make sure we don’t take too many of them down before they come for us.”

“Yeah? We’ll see about that,” Yeonjun grumbled. Stripping his exterior pants off, Yeonjun proceeded to take piece by piece of the enemy uniform off. “If I’m going to die, it won’t be in the clothes of the enemy. It will be in our colors. On our terms.”

There wasn’t much to say to that.

And two minutes later found them all out of the enemy garb, dressed in their nation’s colors and flags. Waiting, for the moment of escalation. None took off their helmets. For despite its origins, they were the ones who had molded it. Molded it to be theirs.

Beomgyu’s hands flew over his ears as a sudden wave of bullets pierced through the hull of the ship, ricocheting inside the room. Heartbeat quickening, he gasped, and watched his squadmates cower down into corners.

“They’ll be coming soon,” Jaemin said flatly. “They’re trying to scare us out. But they’ll be coming.”

Beomgyu grasped a nearby metal beam and peered back at his squadmate. He remained transfixed in abject pity. Jaemin’s helmet, once as gleaming as pearls, had been covered in dirt, sand, and sewage. The shine had been stripped away. Another scar marred his face, asymmetrically and stubbornly unmatching his other one.

He shivered. Beomgyu lamented that he looked nothing like the Jaemin who had survived the trenches. The ease of his expression was gone, replaced with a taut tenseness in every muscle. His friend, his nineteen year old friend, had lost his innocence. Beomgyu mourned.

Eyes resting on every squad member, Beomgyu found the same. The look of desperation. The feeling of stress so intense that you were a minute away from throwing it all up. The same wear on their faces. Their souls. Jaemin 19. Taehyun 19. Chenle 20. Yeonjun 20. Seokjin 21. “I’m just seventeen,” he breathed quietly. “I’m not -” he broke off.

Taehyun slipped his hand in Beomgyu’s and squeezed. He breathed. Reminded he wasn’t truly alone. Not anymore.

More shots burst through the air. Beomgyu ripped his hands to his ears again. They were louder, closer.

Sliding a hand into his pocket, Beomgyu pulled out his last memento. The photo of Soobin. Tracing his hand over the image, Beomgyu closed his eyes.

_I imagine a world out there where there’s a place for me. A place for me to laugh. Hug. Love._

A welcome voice crackled over the comms. “Boys, you there? Everyone I have news.”

“Good news, I hope,” Seokjin quipped with a wavering voice.

“The best news. It worked, everyone! Beomgyu, I don’t know how you kept the technicians from reversing what you did, but all the data sent. Every last file. It’s in our hands now. Your country has received it. Everything has been received. The enemy plans, their documents, their machine schematics, weapon designs. All delivered. Squad - you did the impossible. You’ve done it.”

The cheers and whoops let out by the team must have confused the enemy tremendously, as Yeonjun screamed with joy, and Chenle let out a few tears. Beomgyu smiled uncontrollably, and stared down at the photograph. ‘I think,’ he thought. ‘I think I’ve found it. My family. They’re my squadmates. Each and every one of them. And one day, I’ll find the other two.’ He paused to collect his thoughts as the agent kept speaking. ‘And you as well, Soobin.’

“This is great news!” Jaemin finished.

“It is, however, is there something you all wanted to tell me? I feel like there is.”

“Agent Halle!”

“Yes, we do - !”

“We’re here, trapped in a shipwreck!”

The clamor died down when they realized she wasn’t replying at once. “Everyone, the rescue boat is still ten minutes away.”

Their faces froze, jubilation returning to grim, and resolute duty.

Indistinct yelling and talking began to be heard. The enemy had begun moving in.

“Agent, Agent Halle -” Seokjin broke off. A choked sob caught in his throat. “We - we don’t have ten minutes. Or even two. I’m sorry.”

Beomgyu rubbed his eyes.

“No. No, I’m the one who's sorry. I wish I had had the escape boat ready sooner.” They heard her breathe in laboriously. “You all haven’t been trained for this type of thing, any of this. Yet you’re still here, you still pulled off the impossible. You’re boys no longer. You’re men. And I - there’s no one else I’d rather have at my side than you six. I’m so, so proud of you.”

“Thank you,” Beomgyu let out, water flowing down his cheeks. “Thank you, Agent Halle. For everything. You gave us a chance. A chance to be meaningful.”

“It’s just Halle, for you all. You men have done good. So damn good.”

The talking grew louder, only two or so dozen feet away.

“Goodbye, Halle,” Seokjin whispered, closing off the connection.

Sluggishly raising his gun, Beomgyu returned to his ready position. He could hear it now, the footsteps. His mind went back. Back to the eager puppy-like smile of Kai. To the resolute firmness in Jisung’s conviction.

The enemy grew closer.

He let his mind wander to the talks he had with his squadmates. The fights, the laughs, the hugs. He heard the safety of guns being released. And nervous whispering, from both his squadmates, and the enemy soldiers.

He thought of the agents who’d risked everything, versus the officer who had told his squad off for mourning.

They crept ever nearer.

And finally, Beomgyu thought back to the officers on the enemy side, who treated him with just as much contempt. All pawns, pieces to be moved around in an unceasing struggle suffered by the masses. Families decimated, friends made, children hungry, people who gave everything for the cause, and the powerful who prospered through it. War.

It was then that Beomgyu saw him. The blond hair of the enemy, unkempt and messy in a tandem of curls. Face caked with thin layers of dirt. Arms fearful and nervous, with eyes covering unbelievable terror with a sheen of determination. And that’s when Beomgyu realized, he was staring at a reflection. Every boy, every man out here on the front lines. Whipped into a frenzy of fire and blood, struggle and death. All eventually lost, like battered tears in an endless rain.

Hands trembling, Beomgyu and the boy stared at each other, as if peering through each other’s eyes. And then, they heard the pull of a trigger. A shot of fate, most cruel, sealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are! The ending. This was really fun to write, and I hoped you all enjoyed reading!
> 
> This is how I originally envisioned ending the fic, since inception back when I thought this was going to be a one-shot. However, I did come up with an idea of two, shorter chapters a few weeks ago that I could write up, that would tie up all the loose ends, and complete the story. So if enough of you guys are interested in a less open-ended ending and let me know that in the comments, this can become a six chapter fic. If there's enough interest, I'll do it. :)
> 
> With that out of the way, I want to thank everyone who read, kudo'd, or commented. You all gave me the motivation to keep writing, and produce this story. I'm super duper thankful to you all, and would hug you all if I could. ^__^ I deeply appreciate it. 
> 
> Also, you might have seen slims of Star Wars: The Clone Wars influences (the fic title is named after the finale), and if you haven't watched it, 11/10 would recommend.


	5. Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So initially I was planning on doing a cute, 1k word each - 2 part epilogue to wrap up the open questions for you all. Considering this story was originally meant to be a 5k word one-shot, I guess I shouldn't be surprised that this plan went out the window too. Because now, including this one, I have 3 much longer chapters planned.
> 
> So I guess you all can consider this part two of the story then? Regardless, I hope you all enjoy!

He was floating. On what, he didn’t know, but he knew he was floating. The inky, murky darkness made attempts at divining his situation impossible. Yet, it felt comfortable. Like he could simply wallow in its eternal depths until time itself slipped away.

Even if he had tried harder to make sense of things, Beomgyu didn’t think he had it in him. Everything felt gradually slower here, like a creeping tomb of ice, inching steadily until the world itself slowed to a silent halt. A static void of tenebrosity, unbroken in its devotion to a noiseless, assuaging embrace. Until the first cracks appeared.

“Beomgyu. Beomgyu, wake up!”

If he were still able to, he would be rolling over in bed, or scrunching his nose in distaste, or even blocking his ears with his hands. Anything to get the voice to go away.

“Beomgyu, I’m serious; you have to wake up.”

No. No, he didn’t think he did. He was perfectly content. The darkness agreed with him; its insidious tendrils grasped at him harder.

The voice tried again. “Beomgyu, please.” He could hear the pain and plead in it. It made him pause. “It’s your very soul at stake here. You need to wake up before it’s too late. I promise you can sleep after.”

His soul? Beomgyu didn’t think that sounded good. But his thinking was too clouded and muddled to know for sure. Though perhaps he should…

“Beomgyu, wake up!” He struggled to move. “Beomgyu damn it, wake up!” Pushing outwardly with his mind, he could feel the darkness slipping. The harsh beams of light beginning to fill the periphery of his vision. “Good Beomgyu, keep going. You’re almost there.”

Breaking free of the last restraints of darkness, Beomgyu found he could feel again. Then he opened his eyes.

* * *

Alone. It was the first thing Beomgyu noticed after the chains of sluggishness fell away. He didn’t know if it bothered him or not. There was no one here...but at the same time, he just wanted to _think_. Bringing his knees up to his chest, Beomgyu wrapped the surrounding blankets on the bed around him tighter.

He closed his eyes. Ok. He was alive...at least he was pretty sure. He was here, in a bed he’s never seen before, and -

Blond hair. The thought was enough to startle him, and yet the image kept painting itself within his brain—the waves of curls, the fear in his eyes. Grasping the blankets tighter, Beomgyu snapped his eyes open in a rush. The image faded. Running like water through fingertips. 

He let out a rattled breath. “Am I finally a murderer now?” he whispered across the room. The silence didn’t answer him. 

Inspecting the room with new eyes, Beomgyu let his head tip sideways. There was no medical equipment to be seen. Had he really been uninjured? Rolling his hands across his skin, he found it cleaner than he had ever remembered it. His confusion grew.

Yet, the lack of medical supplies wasn’t the only thing missing. All the room had was the bed, a desk with drawers, and a door. No windows, no pictures, no...color. The gray aesthetic completed the cold, Spartan ambiance. It felt uncomfortably like the fortress he’d just escaped from. 

Stomach clenching, Beomgyu threw his sheets off and started getting out of bed. The soft pajamas he had donned were certainly unlike anything he’d worn. What exactly had happened to him? 

Moving to the door, he went to reach for the doorknob. Except there wasn’t one. Muscles tensing, Beomgyu slid his hand over the metal door. Reaching. Testing. Trying to see if there was any way he missed a mechanism to get this door to _open_. 

He clenched his fists. “Hello?” Voice hoarse, he began pounding on the door. “Hello, is anyone out there? I can’t get out.”

He slammed the side of his fist against the door harder. “Hello?! Can anybody hear me? I need help!” Pain shot through his arm. Yet it barely registered. “Open the door, damn it! Taehyun! Seokjin! Someone... _please_.” 

Knees giving out, Beomgyu found himself sinking to the floor. Why, why, why did all these things happen to him? He just wants it all to end. To have freedom, for once.

It never came.

He spent the day alternating between sitting on the bed, the chair, and knocking on the door. There was never a response. Not even to feed him. Or grant him water. Or even a flurry of insults. While at first outraged at this, he eventually grew perplexed. He didn’t actually feel hungry. Or thirsty. 

Beomgyu sighed as he settled onto the bed for seemingly the hundredth time. It must have been hours by now. He wondered what they’re going to do to him. If he actually is at Hardstone.

Laying back on his pillow, his eyes glanced up for the first time that day. Light block letters formed a message on the ceiling. “Be at peace. Let go,” he read aloud. Beomgyu resisted the urge to snort as he yawned. Peace. As his eyes drooped, the cold acceptance of his perceived situation set in. He was a prisoner of the Enemy; his friends lost to him.

His eyes closed shut.

* * *

  
  


Beomgyu scrunched his nose. He felt the breeze rush over his head, cool to the touch, yet annoying. Moaning, he turned over. “What’s the wind doing blowing so much in a _windowless_ room,” Beomgyu sighed, letting his hand fall down to the sheets. Only to find there weren’t any.

Grasping at the ground with a rising sense of alarm, Beomgyu’s eyes shot open. Clouds. Sitting up hurriedly, he raked his eyes over the bed of grass he was lying on. A few dozen feet away lay the edge of a cliff, its jagged edges smoothing out in parts, giving way to a vast drop marking the breaking seashore. Beomgyu quickly came to the only semi-logical conclusion he could: he’d gone insane. 

Ok. Ok, no. There had to be an explanation. Maybe... he’d been drugged. He’d been drugged when he was asleep and somehow was moved outside. After all, there were cliffs by the beach of Hardhome. It was crazy, and rather impractical of the Enemy, but Beomgyu refused to entertain anything else. Placing one foot in front of the other, Beomgyu made his way a few feet forward, trying to catch a glimpse of anything familiar. Perhaps...perhaps he could spot the shipwreck they’d hidden in. Or a familiar mountain formation. Or maybe even the fortress itself.

Yet every time Beomgyu tried to make eye contact with something in the distance, it never seemed to register. It was like reading a dense book. He _saw_ it, but his mind refused to process it. Beomgyu didn’t know what to make of it. 

Pausing to think, he snapped his fingers. “That’s it!” he said, letting out an electric smile. “Maybe I’m dreaming, or in some sort of coma from a bullet wound, and this is all just...fake.”

“Sort of?” came a deep voice behind him. Beomgyu jumped, the hair on his arms prickling, and whirled around to face the newcomer. “But I wouldn’t really describe it like that, no. It’s more complex, really.”

This...this he could see clearly. But it was so delightfully absurd he thought his brain must have just broken down further. The tall figure moved closer, and Beomgyu found his legs had turned to lead, entrenched in the ground. With a dimple wide smile, and glimmering eyes, the man came to a stop a few feet away. “Hello, Beomgyu Choi. I’ve waited. Waited a long time for this day.” He tilted his head ever so slightly to the side, teasingly. “And now you’re finally here.”

Enthralled by the being in front of him, Beomgyu resisted the urge to pinch himself awake. Because he’d waited too. So, so long. He had finally come full circle. Because standing in front of him was the man he’d always held close to his heart, if only in photograph. Standing in front of him, was Choi Soobin.

Beomgyu forced himself to breathe. “How…” he eventually managed to let out, before his voice cracked, failing him. Cheeks reddening, Beomgyu dropped his eyes, face flushing red.

Soobin’s smile grew fond. Closing the gap, he raised his hand and caressed it slowly across Beomgyu’s cheek. It lasted a second. Beomgyu blinked, breath catching. “Sorry. It’s just…” Soobin paused, shuffling sheepishly. “Anyways come on, the cliffs are really pretty this time of year.”

Again, Beomgyu had to remember to breathe. He’d have to study breath control, he thought, watching the broad shoulders of the man he’d kept in his coat pocket walk away. It took another few seconds to animate his legs to walk, for him to finally begin following Soobin. He almost tripped. He pressed forward.

“Ok, Beomgyu,” he whispered. “Keep it together.”

“The sea’s murky now, but I’m sure it will turn a bright blue at some point,” Soobin commented, sitting down with his legs hanging off the edge. “I have faith.”

Gently and deliberately lowering himself, Beomgyu sat down a few feet from the man. Trying his best to calm his treasonous beating heart. Soobin scooted closer. Beomgyu snapped.

“Wait, you’re... you’re the voice from before! Telling me to wake up.”

“The one and only!” came the cheery response.

“Are you -” he cut himself off. “Am I dead?”

The second the words slipped from his lips, his stomach dropped. Was this...was this it? The final ending? Beomgyu found Soobin’s eyes, his pulse stopping at the sad, wispy smile on his face.

“Yes...and no. It’s really...as cliché as it sounds, it’s rather up for you to decide.”

“I’m sorry?” Beomgyu sputtered. “What do you mean it’s for me to decide? I haven’t been able to make a single decision ever since I had my memories torn from me.”

Soobin’s eyes swam with emotion. Beomgyu couldn’t quite place what it was. “Well, now you have a chance to change that.”

Beomgyu blinked. Tearing his gaze from Soobin, Beomgyu leaned his head back and let out a sigh. “I don’t think I ever imagined you to be this cryptic in person,” he mumbled.

“I’m sorry I’m not the best guide, but...” Beomgyu felt a soft weight on his hand. He froze. “It’s the rules,” Soobin continued dejectedly. “I’m not allowed to say much.”

“And what...what are these rules?” Beomgyu asked, eyes very much not on the hand Soobin laid atop his own.

Soobin let out a chuckle and shook his head. “Can’t say. What I can do, though,” he continued quickly before Beomgyu could react, “is make it up to you.”

Beomgyu tugged at his shirt with his free hand. “How?”

He would swear Soobin’s eyes glimmered. “I’ll show you.”

* * *

One second, Beomgyu had been gazing into Soobin’s eyes, the sounds of the lashing sea and whistle of wind tickling his ears. It vanished, then. Replaced with an entirely new setting. Soobin, remained.

“Well, Beomgyu, welcome to Celestial Village!” Soobin beamed, hands gesturing to the surrounding shops and stalls.

Perhaps he should feel embarrassed that he still was taken by surprise at this point. Yet, he couldn’t help but stare at the now blackened sky and lanterns luminescing the village they now stood in. “If I ask how…” Beomgyu managed to let out.

“Think of it as...teleportation,” Soobin chuckled. “I can tell you that much.” Moving his feet forward, Soobin gestured towards the weaving crowds with his head. “Come on! I’ll treat you to something if you want.”

Beomgyu’s heart caught in his throat at the crescent-shaped eyes, molded by the other’s mirth. If he wasn’t dead already - he sure would be if Soobin kept it up, he lamented.

It was shocking. Shocking to see so many people carefree in their revelries. The laughter, the joy. It was all so spectacularly innocent. His heart ached for Kai. It was in this crowd that it all came back. The grime on Jaemin’s cheeks. The resolute line of Jisung’s lips. The sob in Seokjin’s throat... it all came back to him amidst the joy of the village’s inhabitants. A pang of gnawing guilt built that he had this chance. A chance at what, Beomgyu wasn’t sure yet. But it was a chance, nonetheless. His squadmates didn’t deserve to rot in the bowels of the earth. Not after that.

“Ahh crêpes, it’s been so long!” Soobin beamed, snapping Beomgyu out of his ruminations. Lightly gripping his wrist, Soobin dragged Beomgyu to the line for the cart. It was then, staring at the older boy’s excited puppy look and wavy hair, that Beomgyu let himself have a small smile. For Soobin had, in a sense, been through hell with him, in the pocket of his jacket. He was his lifeline to light in the hell of the battlefield. Now, he was all he had of those memories.

“I love the chocolate ones, with the biscuits inside,” Soobin continued blissfully. He turned to look at Beomgyu, blinking suddenly. Beomgyu thought it cute. “What about yourself? What type do you want? There’s a ton of different types. Strawberry, sugar, mango, banana -”

“I’ll just have whatever you’re having, Soobin,” he replied, shuffling his feet. He forced himself to break eye contact before the searing heat in his heart spread to his face and cheeks.

“Oh” Soobin said, surprised. “I - I mean great!” he said, with his smile returning. “You’ll love it. I won’t let you down, I promise!”

“I’m sure you won’t,” Beomgyu twinkled, before lowering his voice to a whisper. “You haven’t, yet, after all.”

* * *

“So. How was it?” Soobin asked, bringing out his napkin and twirling the chocolate off his fingers. 

“I liked it,” Beomgyu found himself smiling. “But it was a little…sweet,” he finished. “I think my friend would be a bigger fan.

“Your friend...should I be jealous?” Soobin teased, affecting a small pout. 

“Maybe,” he smirked, walking side-by-side with Soobin towards the rising music of the town center. “But really, Soobin, what would you have to be jealous of?”

The taller boy stopped and stared knowingly at the shorter one. “Were you thinking of Kai?”

“How -, how’d you know…”

“I _have_ been watching you for a while now, Gyu,” Soobin winked. He blushed. Beomgyu supposed most people _would_ feel rather creeped out at this revelation. Yet to him, it only brought comfort. His own personal guardian angel.

Lifting his hand in his own, Soobin clasped them together. A touch that burned brighter than the fires of the artillery cannons themselves. Beomgyu thought himself royally screwed. “For now, though, Beomgyu Choi,” Soobin grinned, gesturing towards the violinists and congregation. “May I have the honor of this dance?”

Beomgyu startled. “Soobin, I can’t -”

“Dance? Don’t worry. I’ve got you, Gyu,” Soobin whispered, leaning closer. Looking up into those hooded eyes, Beomgyu drew in a breath. 

“It’s just…”

“I’m here, Beomgyu.”

“Ok,” he whispered as they stepped towards the middle of the square, the cacophony of the ragtime band growing as the song began. “I trust you.”

“Good,” came the reply. Beomgyu could feel the breath on his face. He forced a small smile to cover the accompanying involuntary shiver.

* * *

Beomgyu quickly lost count of the number of spins they’d done. Or the number of times they almost bumped into a neighboring couple. Mortified at first, he shriveled in on himself until Soobin crouched closer and whispered some snarky comment about whoever was nearby until Beomgyu couldn’t help but dissolve into giggles.

“Alright, but I’m serious,” Soobin said, wrapping his arms tighter around Beomgyu’s waist. “Those two drunks over there are shameless, almost crashing into you.”

“I’m pretty sure I almost crashed into _them_. That’s why they yelled at us.”

“Nope! I saw. And I’m the dancing expert.” 

“Right,” Beomgyu drawled with an exaggerated stare.

“I’m glad you agree,” Soobin continued, leading him into another spin. “After all, they’re so flexible with what they consider to be their personal space, it’s rather impressive how they can probably have their feet in their mouths and their heads up their arse all at the same time.”

“Soobin!” Beomgyu groaned, trying to stifle his overwhelming urge to laugh. “That’s not…”

“Polite? Well-bred? Gentlemanly?” Soobin lifted a hand to brush over Beomgyu’s lips. “It made you smile, though,” he finished softly. The music crescendoed before fading away. Beomgyu’s eyes locked with Soobin’s all the while. 

It was the applause that broke the aura apart. “I -, it’s done?” Beomgyu asked, a hint of abashedness bringing itself forth, with the cheering audience drawing him into a pleased sense of embarrassment. 

“It’s done,” Soobin confirmed slowly. “Though, I do have one more thing to show you here.”

They left the village’s twinkling lanterns behind, as Soobin led them further and further up a wooded path in the outskirts. It was darker here. More threatening.

But Beomgyu didn’t feel any less safe. He had Soobin with him. And Soobin wasn’t a flame, but a burst of fire from a metal shop furnace. As Beomgyu looked through the side of his eyes to the dark-haired man, Beomgyu wondered if his soul sang like the metal did, as it took shape. 

“We’re almost there,” Soobin encouraged, gesturing forward. “The clearing is just up ahead.”

Beomgyu nodded fondly, focused on the heat from their hands, intertwined. “Why are we going up here, anyway?”

His reply was enigmatic. “You’ll see,” he replied as they came upon the clearing. “In just a couple minutes, it will start.”

Beomgyu felt his eyes widen in wonder. They were on a hill, with the coruscating of lights below them in the distance. “Is that the village? Soobin, this is beautiful,” he gasped. 

“It is, isn’t it? And while you can still see the lanterns from here, we’re far enough that we can glimpse the _stars_ here.”

“They’re so...bright,” Beomgyu settled on, words rolling awkwardly off his tongue. He didn’t know if he’d ever gone star gazing while younger. Looking up now, he couldn’t imagine he didn’t. They flickered too vividly. Drew him in too easily. Incandescent auroras, ablaze and hung in the night sky. Like shepherds in the dark, to take him home. 

Soobin squeezed his hand. “You know... I’m glad. Glad you were the one who found my photograph. I know it’s cheesy, but…” Soobin turned to stare him in the eyes, “It feels kind of like destiny.”

It was all so warm. Beomgyu melted.

“How... how’d it end up in my coat pocket, though? I’ve always wondered.”

“Well…” Soobin let out a smile. It didn’t last long. Beomgyu’s heart caught in his throat at the change in expression. “Beomgyu. Beomgyu,” his voice wavered. “You’re fading.”

“Fading?” Beomgyu whirled around in circles. “What do you mean I’m…” he stopped short. He _was_ fading. His hands, like the static of a hologram, phased in and out of existence. The burning cooled. The cold returned. “Soobin...Soobin what’s going on?

“I -” Beomgyu saw the look of desperation on the other’s face, as he tried to hold onto his fading form.

“Soobin,” he croaked out. “What’s happening to me? Am I...?”

The stars themselves faded to black, and Beomgyu felt himself drift away. “The sign! Beomgyu read the sign!” His world went dark.

* * *

Gray. He forced his eyes shut, reigning the panic in. The walls were gray again. Choking back a sob, Beomgyu slowly let himself take it in. He was back. Back at Hardhome. Back to the miserable existence in a gray room with no windows, no door handle, and no way out. 

The prison fortress was as silent as always. Beomgyu wanted to scream.

“Alright...just...lay down again,” Beomgyu whispered. “Last time you did, you saw Soobin, so…”

Fluffing the pillow, he crawled into the vacant bed and waited. Waited for the moment, sleep would take him, but sleep never came. Waited for his last breath to shepherd him to dreamland, yet his body refused to surrender to the whims of his mind.

Turning his pillow over once the present side became sweltered with his body heat, Beomgyu let out a small groan. It became another minute, another ten, an hour. Slipping through time in a melancholy daze. It grew too much. Sleep wasn’t happening. 

Frustrated, Beomgyu chucked the pillow across the room before shifting his body to sit up. “There isn’t even anything to do here _but_ sleep,” he muttered to the room. 

Pacing in boredom, it wasn’t until a few dozen minutes later that Soobin’s words rang inside his head. “Read the sign!”

Tilting his head back, Beomgyu looked at it and frowned. It was still there in light block letters. “Be at peace, let go.” 

“How the hell -” he seethed. “How can someone be at peace when they’re locked up in prison?” Beomgyu grit his teeth before forcing himself to calm. Exhaling, he plopped himself back on his bed. “Might as well try, I guess...how do you even ‘let go’? Meditation or something?”

The gray walls remained static in their indifference. With a dry tone, he let a wry grin spread across his features. “Great. Meditation it is.”

The seconds flowed into minutes, and Beomgyu felt his lashes leaden as he drifted off into the dark. _Clear the mind. Let go._ Stillness seemed to reign, and Beomgyu let himself drift. Drift aimlessly in pursuit of peace. Kind of like Jaemin, Beomgyu thought. 

Thoughts roaming to the handsome man, Beomgyu saw him pacing by the old volleyball net. The picture came vividly into his mind, slowly forming like paint strokes until those hazel eyes locked onto his. “Beomgyu.”

He startled. “Jaemin?” His heart stopped before he let out a smile, making his way towards his friend. “Jaemin what’s going on? How are you _here_? I -”

“Beomgyu,” Jaemin cut him off, voice devoid of emotion. The friendly expression, normally residing on his face, was nowhere to be found. “Why’d you let us die?”

“What? What do you mean?” Beomgyu let out, shaken. He paused in his tracks.

“You didn’t shoot, Gyu. You didn’t shoot the Enemy.” Jaemin ran his fingers through his hair. The scene shifted to the abandoned ship, Jaemin’s eyes taking on a haunted look. “You didn’t shoot, and now because of you...now because of you, we’re dead.”

Lungs constricting, Beomgyu glanced around to find the strewn bodies of his companions laying on the rocks and rotting floors. Their mangled corpses were thrown carelessly in agony. Yet their faces were perfectly intact, eyes open, lifeless.

Beomgyu bent down and retched. 

“Stop,” he groaned, voice raspy from the action. “Stop I -”

“You did this.”

“I’m _sorry_ . I’m _so sorry_. I just didn’t want to - just stop, please. I can’t…”

Beomgyu gasped as he realized Jaemin wasn’t standing anymore. In his place was a torso. A torso with a torn arm and a dozen bayonet stabs through the stomach. Forcing his gaze upwards, he came face to face with the Enemy’s climactic achievement: a crown of blood upon his friend’s forehead, and a permanent smile, carved onto his once flawless lips.

His pupils dilated. Beomgyu dropped to his knees and screamed.

* * *

“STOP,” he gasped, breaths coming out in quick succession. His arms wavered as he felt his body shake. “Please, just… it’s my fault. I wish this all just ended,” he moaned. He was met with silence. Waiting for that haunting voice to come back...desperate for it to not. The silence continued.

Forcing his eyes open, Beomgyu found himself looking upon the gray room once more, his body in the same meditative position he had started in. Only sweat now caked his clothes. With a whimper, he stood up, staggering towards the door. “Let me out! Let me out, _please_.”

“I don’t care if you torture me or want me to tell you what I know,” _which is nothing anyway_ “I’ll do it, just let me go,” Beomgyu choked out, slamming his hands onto the cold metal. “Please, let me out.”

A few dozen minutes passed. Or maybe it was half a day. Nothing was secure and certainly not knowledge. Not in this room of frozen time and vivid hallucinations, Beomgyu thought wearily. 

Perhaps he’d be stuck here for quite a while. And that was ok. Well, not really. But he’d make the most of it. He’d stay sane. He’d stay ready. He wouldn’t let the Enemy break him. For his friends. For Jaemin. He wouldn’t fail. Not again.

Channeling his fear, his anger, his guilt, into sheer, indomitable determination, Beomgyu opened his eyes once more. His breath hitched. Standing in front of the door in whispy shades of blue, was Soobin. 

“Soobin?” he called out carefully. The man looked like he did when he’d disappeared. Like a hologram. Like a ghost. 

“Hey, Gyu. I didn’t leave you for too long...did I?” he asked sheepishly. 

Beomgyu stared at the taller man incredulously. 

“Too long? No, it wasn’t too long at all! It was great disappearing back into my cell and then suffering through a traumatic breakdown, all while not knowing -”

“-Gyu, I was forced,” Soobin cut in, having closed the distance between them. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to, but… we had run out of time. I thought we’d have longer.”

Beomgyu looked him in the eyes again. “What do you mean?”

“They only gave me a certain amount of time to spend...with you. To explain things. Only there are a million restrictions on what I can and can’t say,” he said, letting his head fall back with a sigh.

Beomgyu paused to think Soobin’s statement over. “Then...you weren’t supposed to bring me to that village, I take it?”

“Most definitely not,” Soobin chuckled. “Or at least, I’m not _not_ allowed to, but it wasn’t my assignment.”

“Then why’d you…”

“Because I’m selfish, Gyu. I wanted to see you brighten the village up with your smile. I wanted to have you. And I wanted you to be happy, even if it was just for a little while. You deserve that.”

He let out a bitter chuckle, his thoughts landing back on his meditation. “I wouldn’t say I do.” 

Soobin frowned. “You _do_ , Gyu. I’ve been watching you for ages, from above and all. There’s few who deserve happiness more than you.”

Beomgyu blinked. “Now that’s a little stalkerish, don’t you think?” he let out half-teasingly. 

They both stared at each other before descending into light giggles. Soobin reached out to run his hands through Beomgyu’s hair. All he felt was cold. “Why…” Beomgyu leaned in to grab his arm. His hand went right through, a frigid burst of air tickling his hand. 

“Why are you so real in my dream, but here you’re…”

“A ghost?” Soobin smiled weakly. “It’s just one of those things of how this all works, I guess.”

Beomgyu groaned, and Soobin just chuckled, taking a seat beside him in his bead.

“Can you tell me which is more real, then? This place, or where we met before?”

“This place is,” Soobin grimaced apologetically. “I’m sorry, Gyu, but this place is more real.” 

Beomgyu nodded absently as they fell into a companionable silence, interrupted every so often only by the sounds of Beomgyu’s breaths. 

“Well why aren’t I hungry then? Or thirsty here? Or having to go to the bathroom?” He said the last one with a scrunch of his nose.

“Perks of being not alive nor dead,” Soobin beamed. “You don’t need to worry about any bodily functions, really. At least not now. Eventually, though…” Soobin turned to stare him in the eyes. “You’ll get to choose. Choose between the living, or the dead.”

He sucked in a breath. “When, Soobin? When are they going to have me choose?”

“When you’re ready.”  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we all finally met Soobin! :) What did you think?
> 
> This chapter is pretty clearly a transition/bridge chapter, though it's still pretty relevant to understand everything. Hopefully (fingers crossed) the next one is where we hit the climax of pt.2.
> 
> Any kudos/comments are always appreciated!


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